Game Thing

The Top 10 Most Inept Heroes of All Time

2009-05-31T16:58:00.000-04:00

Heroes are the bread and butter of our great video games. In one way or another, they fabricate that bond between the player and the game. Yes, video game heroes can reach legendary iconic status, while others may slip into obscurity. Though some on this list maybe famous just as they are obscure, they all share a common bond; Their ineptitude. Here's a look at the most inept heroes over time (according to me of course.)

#10: Donkey Kong

When Donkey Kong Country was released for the SNES in 1994, it was met with critical acclaim. The big kahuna went on to establish himself as a main event player alongside the likes of Mario, Link and Samus. Now I'm not bashing the big guy, as I'm sure we all have a soft spot in our hearts for him. But what poses the seemingly unanswerable question is as follows. How is it that Donkey Kong, the star of the series only appears as a playable character in one game if his name stars in two separate sequels? I'll tell you how. Donkey Kong somehow manages to keep getting kidnapped by the same dude. Good ol King K.Rool (Known as Kaptain K.Rool in DKC2 and Baron von K.Roolenstein in DKC3.) You'd think a massive gorilla capable of upper cutting an obese crocodile king out of a fighter jet would manage to avoid getting kidnapped TWICE. (And even more so if you count the Game Boy sequels.) But oh no. One would surmise that DK lacks a little strength in the brain department. This consistency lands him the number 10 spot of the most inept.

#9: Pit

Poor Pit. To sum it up, Pit is pretty much the red-headed step child of Nintendo mascots. In many ways, Metroid and Kid Icarus were very similar. Both had similar concepts and level designs. The music was similar. Both were blisteringly hard. The only difference is Pit never gets missiles. While his older brothers and sisters rose to the "favorite" spot, Pit seemed to have gotten brushed aside. Its not that he doesn't try. He really does! Armed with Palutena Sacred Bow, Pit fights the evil Madusa to take back Angel Land! Its a shame however, that anything and everything kills Pit. To purple snakes to flying eyeball monsters and even the grim reaper, Pit can't seem to stay alive long enough without uttering "I'm done for!" Sure he shares his traits from the rest of the family (can jump high like Mario, collects items like Link, and can shoot like Samus) but it’s all just wasted talent due to his utter weakness.

#8: Sexy Silvia

Its not uncommon for Superheroes to have sidekicks. Batman has Robin. Green Arrow had Speedy, and Viewtiful Joe has Sexy Silvia. What better sidekick to a Superhero than your own girlfriend? Silva rushed on the scene of Viewtiful Joe 2, with her Pom-Poms of doomand cyber pistol things to boot. So what went wrong with Silvia? How could someone with two pistols be so inept? Well for one, Silvia lacks Joe's fast forward VFX power. (Which stands for Viewtiful Effects.) In place, she has instant replay which is nearly not as cool and actually worse. (Imagine yourself taking damage three times in instant replay!) VFX aside, Silvia fights her enemies with her Sonic Pulse guns, which do absolutely nothing. I mean nothing. They're weak. I mean they're really weak. You know you've got a weak character when bullets are weaker than fists. Somehow, this turquoise vixen manages to bog down the blindingly fast paced side scrolling action with her lack of martial art techniques and her general surplus of suckitude. And might I add that there is absolutely NOTHING sexy about a cheer leader with a power ranger helmet.

#7: Cloud Strife

I assure you, this isn't for shock value. While he remains largely positive by the gaming community, Cloud has his fair share of ineptitude. I don't recall playing a game in recent memory when the main protagonist is almost always confused about every single thing that he does. "Why do I fight? Who am I fighting for?"If Cloud spent less time worrying about not fighting and more time worrying about actually fighting, then he would have saved everyone a good portion of time. Here we are, the universe is at danger and Cloud sufferers somuch confusion and general unwillingness to fight for the sake of the world that he somehow finds himself confined to a wheel chair due to overwhelming ineptitude. And in case you're wondering or somehow forgotten, you don't even play that quarter of the game with Cloud. That honor goes to Sid. For a man as popular and as "cool" as he is, he certainly is whinny. In retrospect, it’s easy to see how Cloud has become so popular considering our society have growing more and more like Cloud. But being this horribly inept wasn't the only thing he's created, as he is what single handedly sparked a wave of androgynous whinny heroes. From Final Fantasy X's Tidus to whoever the main protagonist is in Final Fantasy XII. Cloud ranks up there pretty high.

#6: Mega Man

Most kids today won't recognize good old true blue, but many a classic gamer know his face all too well. Mega Man in his heyday was a surely iconic character as he stared in nine games in the past twenty years. The blue bomber made his triumphant return in classic form with the release of Mega Man 9, which further fuels my argument. (In a moment.) However, I think it’s mainly important that we remember why these games were so successful back in their heyday. Sure, it might have been for the revolutionary level select at the time, but we all know it was about the challenge. Mega Man is a classic case of irony , as he's anything but Mega. His life bar is nothing more than a stack of toothpickslined up horizontally. And metaphorically speaking, I sorely believe that his lifebar is a wonderful representation of the character. As far as the previous eight games go Mega Man couldn't shoot diagonally and he actually never learned how to. Sure he only learned how to slide three games into his life and maybe learned how to charge his shot a game initially after that, but he hadn't actually learned how to shoot at a 45 degree angle. Ever. Which is pathetic considering Samus's 1986 debut in Metroid, she could at least shoot upwards. Unlike all of the hideously useless heroes and heroine on this list, Mega Man could at least acquire the powers of his felled foes. Of course, good ole Mega gets the worse version of the weapon, but nevertheless I don't see anyone else imitating the guy. For example, Mega Man will duke it out with the tenacious TopMan. The guy will throw three Dreidels at you for some reason, and tackle you head on with a vicious spin attack. Mega Man beats him, and what power does he get? The power to ballerina spin into enemies. I wish I was making this up. But I'm not. Mega Man is simply that weak. Though in his the defense, the last boss of Mega Man III (Or Wily using Gamma) can be destroyed with a single spin. Wow.

#5: Eddie "Skate" Hunter

When you have something good on your hands, the general idea is that you don't fix what ain't broke. While the jump from Streets of Rage to Streets of Rage 2 was simply phenomenal, it wasn't exactly what you call perfect. This single blemish would be the swapping of the almost unruly badass character Adam to the unruly useless kid brother, Skate. Now let me tell you, never in the history of swapping out a character for another has there been such an outrageous downgrade. Its like switching an iphone for one of those old Nokia phones. First of all, who greenlit the idea of putting this utterly weak character in the game? Really? He's throws weaker punches than Sexy Silvia (who doesn't throw any punches at all, mind you) and all, ALL of his attacks are abysmal. The only redeeming quality is his speed and the ability to dash, but even that's pushing it. Because mostof the time, his ability to dash would be shut out by a fierce anti-air uppercut by a Donovan crony. This decision truly baffles me, because Adam wasn't a character who was inept by any means. He had the range, he had the ability and the strength. He was who you picked if somebody picked Axel.

And now you have the option of choosing this horrendous excuse of a character over Blaze and Max. (Not that Blaze or Max suffer the same ineptness) It appears as though as this a growing trend, as Max was replaced with the robotic professor from the future Zan in the follow up sequel. Skate, unfortunately, lived to see another sequel.

#4: Miles "Tails" Prower.

It’s well documented that Sonic the Hedgehog burst on the scene in an unprecedented fashion. No one expected the blue spikeball to gain as much success as he did in the early 90's and onward. Going back on what I said previously however, it appears as though that the popular trend is to saddle a dominantly awesome character with a weak simpleton who pales in comparison. While that may or may not be a direct shot to Sexy Silvia, Tails is no slack when it comes to fitting this description. In case you've never played a Sonic game in your life, the action is pretty intense. As his name implies, Sonic is extremely fast. He blazes through hoops and hills and practically anything in his path. (Provided you don't run into an enemy, or a bed of spikes.) That's why Sonic the Hedgehog became such a hit. It gave players something new and fresh at the time. Blazing intense 16-bit goodness! Of course, by Sonic the Hedgehog 2, leave it to Sega to try and tamper with the formula. That leaves us with our loyal subject of this evening, Tails. Tails plays exactly like that annoying little brother or that kid in the group of friends you had that always wanted to tag along for everything, but was way too freakin' slow and a general letdown in particular. To play as Sonic, you basically reem through all of these levels without a thought. But with Tails (and the person you're playing with) you've got to wait up for this bumbling buffoon as he foolishly gets himself impaled in spike traps, enemies, and of course triggering that trap door in the second part of the Mystic Cave Zone. Tails couldn't do anything right. He was an extra body that slowed the action down. (Sound familar?) Sega, being a company to never do the same thing twice (I'll pretend that Golden Axe 2 never came out for the sake of this argument) added some skills to the golden fox by the third entry in the series. However, guided by an unskilled player and that spells even more certain doom. Tails gained the ability to fly Sonic for a short period of time. This would great for conventional means, but we forget one thing. Tails is a friggin idiot. By thinking he's helping, Tails would commonly hover Sonic right above a Spikebed. Or directly into a pit of baddies. Say you're swimming. You've got a couple of seconds left before you drown and you need that air bubble! Well, Tails selfishly grabs the air bubble that he CERTAINLY doesn't need by the less, and carries away from the stream underway, effectively drowning you. I could drone on and on about this particular jerk butt, but I wouldn't want to beat a dead horse now.

#3: Arthur

It would be an utter crime if I somehow left out the star of Ghouls and Ghost fame. Arthur might be the weakest character on here. No joke. People who have read my posts in the past know that Super Ghouls 'N Ghost holds a very special place in my heart for being the single hardest game I've ever played. The real star of the show however, is Arthur.

So what makes Arthur so special? Well for starters, he wears armor that protects him from absolutely nothing. Have you ever heard of armor that doesn't armor you!? Have you!? For some bizarre reason, Arthur can be only hit once before he's stripped down to his nitty gritty. His boxer briefs. He doesn't even sport chain mail! What's wrong with you man!? Luckly, Arthur can upgrade his armor by finding numerous and occasional treasure chests that hold green armor, and the gold armor. These plates beef up Arthur to the max, and allow for some interesting and devastating weapon attacks. Unfortunately, Arthur's armor (yet again) protects him from NOTHING! So the Ultra Pimped out Gold Armor that you have that allows you to fire homing dragons? That can be instantly taken away by a purple clam's eyeball. Wonderful. Okay, nevermind his choice of fashion. Let's just talk about the man. Unless it’s a side scrolling beat em up, the general idea is that you can sort of go against the physics of nature and choose where you want to land when you jump. You want to know who conveniently disregards this act against gravity? That one! As in Arthur. When he jumps, it’s a commitment. If he were to jump into a meat grinder, he wouldn’t have the option to change his landing, like Mario or Sonic or any normal platforming hero. Oh but don't worry, he has a second jump; A second jump that will more often kill you more times than save you. Trust me. It will. There's nothing like the feeling of overjumping a single platform because you thought that maybe, just maybe Arthur might be about to land on that platform with a little extra kick. But no. He can't do that right either. Arthur is apparently, a lightning rod of suck and the downright worst person for the job. You should have at least called Mario for the job—at least he has firepower.

#2: Bubsy

Now here’s a character I wish we all could have forgotten. I didn’t put him here on the list because he dies after one hit or everything seems to kill him. No, no no. Bubsy represents everything wrong with the videogame industry then and now. Look at him. The developers behind this guy wanted to cash in on the popularity of Sonic the Hedgehog and Mario. So they decided to come up with this piece of work. I want to say for the record that there are no redeeming qualities about Bubsy. They say he’s a bobcat with an attitude. I hate that. I want to punch him in the thorax. What kind of idiot wears just a shirt with an exclamation mark? I can understand a single tie, and wearing shoes without pants or a shirt, but for God sakes, what kind of self respecting mascot wears a bloody exclamation mark T-shirt and a smile like that? Really? How could you like him? How is that a likable character? How on earth is that supposed to be a marketable character? Where’s the innovation? Making a bobcat that jumps like Mario and shares the personality of Sonic? That’s absurd. Downright absurd. That’s not innovating. That’s riding two separate coattails at the same time. And it’s sickening. Who ever thought that a mix between two successful characters would give you an overwhelmingly unlikable knave like

Bubsy? Luckly, Bubsy didn’t really catch on, and eventually faded into obscurity after pretty much the second game. And I couldn’t be happier for that. Really.

And now the most inept hero on this list ever comes at the coveted number one slot. This hero is none other than…

1#: Young Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones is a badass. Who else can thwart an army of Nazis hell bent on recovering ancient artifact to rule the world?

Young Indiana Jones is just as badass, meeting historical figures in his heyday as a much younger guy in his mid 20s. Sega thought it would be a good idea to make this into a game. And thus Young Indiana Jones and the Instruments of Chaos was born.

And let me be the first to tell you, this is one of the worst games I have ever played.

So if Indiana Jones is a notorious badass, then why is he number one on the most inept heroes list? See the connection I’m gunning for?

Young Indiana Jones represents everything older, more familiar Indiana Jones is NOT. That is the following: Agile, cunning, durable, smart, likable, reactive.

I have no idea what planet Young Indylives on, because it’s certainly not Earth. The minute the game starts, you start off in Bombay, India apparently and you’re attacked endlessly by birds, snake charmers, snakes, and giant spiders. I mean giant, Donkey Kong Country sized animalistic spiders. They’re about roughly half the size of Indy, and these things all attack you ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Now naturally, with all of these different creatures to fight off, you’d think he’d come prepared, right? That’s wrong. That’s very wrong. Indy comes equipped withhis famous bullwhip, which actually has surprisingly good reach, but just about the strength of a wet twizzler. Besides his miserable wet noodle heflings around, Indy packs a classic six shooter. The problem? He only brings six miserable freaking bullets. That’s right. He has a six shooter, and he forgot to bring more than six bullets. How could someone do something so unmistakable? When engaging evil terrorists and evil Nazis hell-bent on controlling the world, you forget to bring more than 6 bullets?! How the hell does that happen? What’s the matter with you? He has the entire animal kingdom after him on a regular basis and he only packs six bullets!?!

But that’s just what the man packs. It’s funny they call him Young Indiana Jones, because he sure moves like an old man. I swear to you, Indy will vault off

a building, walk a couple feet and feel the effects five seconds later. How on Earth does that happen? I suppose in a world where giant spiders inhabit the world, anything’s possible. He has the jumping style of Arthur from Super Ghouls N Ghost, except a billion times less accurate and even a trillion times worse off. Young Indy can’t seem to get anything done but die. Die die die die. Players who’ve played this game know that I’m referencing the Antarctica stage, where most of the game’s impossibility lies. For some retarded reason, Indy finds himself in Antarctica where he most cross a sheet of thin ice by jumping platform to platform. We know how Indy is with jumping. Poor jumping ability aside, and I’m not making this up, the thing that kills Indy here the most are flying fish. You read that right. Let me give you a minute to let that one sink in. These killer fish pop-up at the convenient same exact time that you decide to jump. Need I remind you that Indy here isn't in the Super Mario Bros. universe, (where its not hard to miss that distinction when you're attacked by countless different animals and even lightning--that's right-- lighting on top of Big freakin' Ben.) but you'd think differently once you attempted to play this wretched excuse for entertainment.

Young Indiana Jones is possibly the worst protagonist in video game history. he moves like a statue, has the guile of a one legged man, and has the durability of a kitten with leprosy. Young Indiana Jones is the most inept character on this list because he represents everything that a bad game has. Horrible controls, terrible music, terrible response, and and overall highly unlikable experience. It doesn't even fit into that "so bad its good category." Young Indy sucks, and if he were a man, I'd kill him.

And there you have it. The top Ten Most Inept Heroes of all time. (according to me of course) Check out some more posts from me in the future.

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2009-04-08T18:23:00.001-04:00

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2008-12-16T13:44:00.001-05:00

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Missing in Action: The World's Most Elusive Vaporware

2008-08-18T14:15:00.000-04:00

Trailers are just the dardest things. They give us a peek at the latest and greatest games that are coming down the pipeline. They also make us a promise. A promise that we will be able to play that game sometime in the near future. Then it gets delayed. And delayed again. Will it ever come out? Why advertise a game years in advance? Titles that become Vaporware can either create a lot of buzz or make a laughing stock out of it.

Let's take a look at some of the top Vaporware titles right now. Who knows, maybe a year or two from now some of these will be released.

Sadness (Wii)

Originally announced even before the Nintendo Wii was released, Nibris promised us a black and white survival horror game set in a pre-WWI Slavic country. A live action teaser trailer was released which was "based-on" the game and we were supposed to get some game footage by the end of 2007. We didn't. There's been two screenshots that have surfaced, but we don't know if they are in-game or not. Frontline Studios was supposed to co-produce the game but back in March of 2007 they split. The game is not "officially" dead... but it is. Here's what Nibris said: "The scenario will have associations with narcolepsy, nyctophobia and paranoid schizophrenia. The scenario will surprise you." (Surprise! it's never coming out!)

Original Release Date: ?
Current Release Date: TBA (AKA: NEVER)

StarCraft: Ghost (Multiplatform)

Who knows what black hole sucked this game up. Announced all the way back in 2002 for PS2/XB/GC, but after E3 2005 we found out that the GameCube version was dropped, but it was still on the way. We waited until March of 2006 for Blizzard to finally announced that the game was on "indefinite hold" while it was updated for the seventh generation consoles. We get little bits and pieces of information about this title from time to time. The latest being at the DICE Summit in 2008 where we learned that "there still was an interest in finishing Ghost". It's pretty obvious that Blizzard is more concentrated on StarCraft II (and possibly Diablo 3 if the rumors are true) than it would be on Ghost.

Original Release Date: 2003
Current Release Date: When does the PS9 come out again?

Metroid: Dread (Nintendo DS)

It's crazy how a game is never announced but people think it's real. While we would all love another 2D hand held Metroid game, I doubt we will see one anytime soon. Ever since rumors emerged in 2005, Nintendo has never officially released anything about this game. The only clue we ever got was in Metroid Prime 3: Corruption where a computer panel says "Experiment status report update: Metroid project 'Dread' is nearing the final stages of completion". Retro Studios and Nintendo both denied any connection. Could this be a secret kept under Ninny's hat that will be unloaded at this year's E3? We'll see!

Original Release Date: ?
Current Release Date: Whenever the project is completed! Can't you read!

Killzone 2 (PlayStation 3)

As one of the first PS3 games announced, it would seem Sony hoped that this could be their "Halo killer". The first trailer from E3 2005 led to much controversy where it was argued that it could be just a concept video or possibly pre-rendered game footage. We didn't really see anything else until GDC 2007 where an in-game trailer was shown to the media. I'm not really sure why Sony is banking on this one so much. The original Killzone wasn't that good and wasn't even that popular. By missing their window of opportunity, Sony now has to hope that Killzone 2 will be a Halo 3, Gears of War 2, Left 4 Dead, etc. killer

Original Release Date: 2008
Current Release Date: February 2009

Gran Turismo 4 Mobile (PlayStation Portable)

By digging up the bones of E3 2004 we find evidence that this game once did exist. It was supposed to be the game to get for the forthcoming Sony hand held. Many thought they wouldn't even be able to fit the entire game on on one UMD. They were probably right. GT4M's producer, Kazunori Yamauchi, told us back in April that the game "took much more time and effort than we had first imagined". Luckily, it fits nicely on top of the pile of broken promises that Sony has accumulated over the years.

Original Release Date: April 2005
Current Release Date: It's Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiige Racer!

Gran Turismo 5 (PlayStation 3)

Right on the heels of GTA4M, Sony kept the fire burning when Gran Turismo 5 (or Gran Turismo HD, originally) was announced and shown in 2006 to the pants-wetting joy of Sony fanboys around the world. This one is taking so long, they released part of the game a few months ago. I'm sure the rest of it will be coming soon! Recently, Yamauchi has stated how 150 people have been working on the game for four years and has cost 50 times more than it's PS1 ancestor. I'm sure it'll be ready for release right before the PS4 comes out. Sweet!

Original Release Date: 2008
Current Release Date: 2010

Bob Ross: The Joy of Painting (Multiplatform)

Such a sad, short story for such a happy, strange game. Announced back in March of 2006 for Nintendo DS, Wii and PC by AGFRAG Entertainment. I'm assuming gameplay would be similar to the likes of Mario Paint back in the days of SNES. In December 2006, Bob Ross Inc dropped them and, to this day, is looking for a new developer. Maybe they thought that due to Bob's death the previous year it would seem inappropriate. Or, maybe they realized that you can get this game for free: It's called a pen and a piece of paper!

Original Release Date: ?
Current Release Date: Let's paint a happy little tree!

Tekken 6 (PlayStation 3)

Here's a rare specimen. This game is already out in Japanese arcades as of November 2007 but we're still waiting to play it here in the states. Tekken is one of my personal favorite fighting games ever since the PS1 days and it's latest expansion for the PSP/PSN was great. Tekken 6 has over 30 confirmed characters (a total of 41 when it's done) and features multi-tiered levels and day/night time transitions. Trailers were shown back at E3 2005, but with no release date in sight it looks like we'll be waiting a long time. Now, with it's PS3 exclusive status in question, it will take all that longer to develop. The game's director, Katsuhiro Harada, has said "We want Tekken 6 to both look cool and play good" Adding "We don't want to disappoint our Tekken fans, so we're working hard on making Tekken 6 good". Um, ya. So it looks like I'll be buying SoulCalibur IV instead!

Original Release Date: ?
Current Release Date: Finish Him!

Project H.A.M.M.E.R. (Wii)

A much needed beat 'em up announced at E3 2006 as a first party title possibly for Wii's launch line-up, but by mid-2007 with no additional info we realized we may never find out what H.A.M.M.E.R. could possibly stand for. Rumors fly back and forth about this one all over the internet. The last we heard was Nintendo confirmed at E3 2007 that development was put on hold, but has not officially canceled it and “may come back” in the future.

Original Release Date: 2007
Current Release Date: Reggie Mad!!! Reggie Smash!!!

LittleBigPlanet (PlayStation 3)

It's pretty pretentious to codename your project "The Next Big Thing". Nintendo sure did it with the codename "Revolution". The only difference is that Nintendo actually pulled it off! This DIY puzzler's dream looks fun and I would love to play it. Phil Harrison, SCE's ex-head honcho, announced it in 2007 and was due by early 2008. Now, a beta is scheduled for the summer and we're hoping for even just a demo by the end of this year! With even more footage shown at this year's E3, it makes me want it even more! Oddly enough, even with so much game footage out there already, it's hard to believe that this game isn't close to being done. Sony's pile is getting bigger...

Original Release Date: Early 2008
Current Release Date: October 2008

Disaster: Day of Crisis (Wii)

I'm pretty sure that this game will eventually see a release, but until then it's been possibly banished to development limbo. Featured at E3 2006 as one of Nintendo's attempt at some new franchises, it's an original idea for a survival game that takes place during various natural disasters. The Big N has told us the game has “Cutting-edge physics and gripping visuals” to re-create the sheer terror of major catastrophes. It's quite possible that due to recent real-world natural catastrophes, this game is on hold until the "it's too soon" factor wears off. But, truth be told, we'll always have some kind of disaster going on at some point in the world. So Nintendo should just finish it up and get it out there because we need a good survival game for Wii.

Original Release Date: ?
Current Release Date: Is it safe to make Pearl Harbor jokes yet?

PlayStation Home (PlayStation 3)

This has been in development since early 2005 and officially announced by Sony in March of 2007 at GDC. While not really a "game" per se, it is an free online social experience that is supposed to be similar to the popular Second Life. PS3 users can customize a human avatar and meet up and chat or play games and movies with friends. You can buy clothes and furniture for your crib. There's even going to be a trophy room for your gaming accomplishments (but since I can just download any game save at 100% completion, I really don't see the point). The closed beta is now reported to be running until sometime in the Fall of 2008. Sony's CEO Kazuo Hirai has stated that "Spending more time on the development and on the Closed Beta testing reaffirms our commitment to bringing a quality service, maintaining the PlayStation tradition." (They should probably commit to bringing some quality exclusive games to their console, first)

Original Release Date: Fall 2007
Current Release Date: 2009

Duke Nukem Forever (Multiplatform)

Here is is. You knew it was coming. The granddaddy of them all, and the title that sets the bar for all Vaporware. So, let's take a trip back in time! All the way to April of 1997! The fourth installment of Duke Nukem was supposed to be out no later than mid-1998 and would use the Quake II engine. 3D Realms later fooled the world in August by releasing fake screenshots made in the developers free time because they didn't even get the game engine code until November.

At E3 1998 the first game footage was revealed using the Quake II engine. We knew they'd miss their mid-1998 deadline, but things still looked like they were pretty much on track. Come June of 1998, developers switched the now overused Unreal engine. Now we knew for sure 1998 would not be Duke's year. Although, we were reassured that the transition would only take four to six weeks and now would be released in 1999. Phew! That's not so bad, right?

Wrong! By November of 1999 all we got were some screenshots of Forever running on the upgraded Unreal engine. 2000 passed with no new info and E3 2001 was the next time we'd heard anything about the Dukester. Some in-game footage was shown which featured a large city and how to get a sandwich from a vending machine (huh?). Later that year, GTA's Take-Two would take over the publishing rights. Could this project finally take shape?

Wrong again! By 2002, Take-Two completely overhauled the game's mechanics, which now contained parts of the Unreal 2.0 engine, and added more developers. TT announced the game would see release by the end of 2003. Then by the end of 2004. Then by 2005. Then another physics engine switch. Flash forward to 2006. We're told that Forever is almost done and being given some final tweaking and polishing. Looks like we'll finally get to play it soon! Right?

You know you're wrong! Come on now! 3D Realms put Duke on the back burner to free up some room for the mildly successful 2006 shooter, Prey. In more recent news, a teaser was released last year around Christmas but was never actually confirmed to be a work of 3D Realms. An official trailer was released in February of 2008 which doesn't actually show any in-game footage, but rather a cut scene showing a blonder, buffer Duke and some nastier looking baddies. The trailer ended with the words "Stay Tuned" instead of "Coming Soon" or something like that.

So here we are in 2008. Over 11 years after the initial announcement, and with no official release date in sight, Duke Nukem has become a running joke around the world wide web. I'll finish this epic saga with a quote from 3D Realms CEO Scott Miller who stated "of course as soon as Duke is done we'll begin a new one." (Ya, and I'll start my second spaceship as soon as I return from my first trip to the moon).

Original Release Date: 1998
Current Release Date: Come Get Some!

Honorable Mentions: Final Fantasy XIII & Versus XIII (PS3), Raid Over the River (Wii), Resident Evil 5 (Multiplatform), Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix (Multiplatform), Devil May Cry (PSP), Afrika (PS3), Infamous (PS3), Dragon Quest IX: Protectors of the Stars (DS), Zombie Massacre (Wii), Final Fantasy: Dissidia (PSP)

So there you have it. Sony definitely holds the title for the biggest heart-breaker out there. You may have also noticed that there's no Microsoft titles listed. It would seem there's pretty much caught up for the moment, but they have had their share of Vaporware blunders (Halo 3 for one). Let's hope that if I write another one of these articles next year that none of these titles will be repeat offenders. Developers and publishers really need to keep a tighter lid on projects before people start getting really excited about them. In one way, it's nice that peoples' feedback early on in development and beta testing can change the shape and feel of the game for the better. But, on the other hand, waiting several years for one game just isn't worth it in the long run. I suppose ignorance truly is bliss!

-mwb-

Serious Games as a Serious Business

2008-08-07T19:56:00.001-04:00

Normally when one thinks of the Video Game industry, he or she is drawn to the many broadcasts of those who stood out in the freezing cold for the release of the Wii or PS3. Or perhaps their brains remind them of the daily news stories about the adverse affects of Grand Theft Auto on children, or (if they're slighty tech-savvy) the corporate bitch slap Microsoft received when they produced faulty hardware for the Xbox 360. It is rare that one thinks of anything other than the entertainment or business aspects of video games. But I ask you, reader, isn't there something more?

Try not to gasp when I declare this, but there is this whole other side to video games that those in its core call "serious". Serious games are those which aim to educate, promote ideas, and create cultural or societal change; they benefit the player in some way, whether it be physically, mentally, or even morally -- not too far off from what most games do on a regular basis. A prime example is Hush, (pictured above) a rhythm game that tastefully outlines the frightening conditions of Rwandan genocide . This new wave of serious games in the world has sparked much attention, henceforth creating tremendous industry projects such as Games For Change and my current life work, Emergent Media Center of Champlain College's United Nation Project (project name pending). Check out Games for Change and see the wonderful work they do to impact the world.

The United Nations project is a fresh-out-of-the-oven grant that my school, Champlain College, just sealed with the UN to make a game that will help stop violence against women in developing countries. I was hired just a meager two weeks ago as a Game Designer on the project, and hope to keep you readers posted on our development progress. We have the highly acclaimed industry professional Heather Kelley as our Creative Director, and a wonderful team of 15 students and 4 faculty members working our way through this interesting and challenging project. This project gives proof to the ever growing industry of serious games throughout the whole world.
In early June the ESA announced that E3 is adding a Serious Games component to the convention. As they promised, E3 2008 had this component, although it did not get much media attention. There are many serious game conventions each year, including the Serious Games Summit and the Games For Change Annual Festival.

For more news and interesting information on Serious Games, check out the Serious Games Source (Add this to your daily video game browsing, along with Gamasutra, of course.)

What Wii Need

2008-08-01T18:02:00.000-04:00

Nintendo has the number one selling console on the planet, but it is nothing close to perfect. Today we are going to delve into the world of Wii and see what the system needs to keep the party going for years to come. From "mature" titles to Wii space issues, and poorly developed graphic engines, these issues will be addressed. We need to look at the future to see if Wii will last.

On May 12th, 2008 Nintendo finally released two major Wii Channels in North America. These two huge channels were none other than the Everybody's Nintendo Channel. This channel is used to promote new games, show video advertisements and even DS downloadable demos. The other channel is the long awaited Wii Ware channel designed in the vein of Xbox Live Arcade titles. (The channel which of course can be found by going to the Wii Shop.) These are original titles that can be downloaded and played on the Nintendo Wii for a certain amount of points. May 12th should have be a great day for Wii players around North America, but instead for many it became a day of frustration.

This frustration comes in the form of a message that sounds a lot like this " Your Wii has run out of memory. Please go back to the main menu and make space available". The question that runs through a lot of gamers minds when talking about Nintendo is who exactly is Nintendo targeting? Some would say that Nintendo has forgotten about the gamer and is focusing on the their new blue ocean strategy. What this means is that Nintendo is looking to encompass the inner child in all, not just the "hardcore". This means that Nintendo is putting all their attention on the pick up and play market, this would suggest that the Big N cares more about the Soccer Mom's that play Wii Fit and Wii Sports than the young adults playing Metroid Prime 3 Corruption. Nintendo has done nothing on the surface to show gamers different though, Nintendo Europe marketing director Laurent Fischer has even gone as far as saying this now infamous quote "The only Wii owners that encounter problems with the console's 512MB of internal storage are geeks and otaku". To many in the gaming community this shows Nintendo's stubbornness and lack of forward thinking. To even further the argument, Nintendo E3 press conference was nothing short of spiting in the faces of core gamers. Nintendo did not announce anything for the core audience besides Wii Speak (a device that allows people to speak to others online), Wii Motion Plus (another device that allows the Wii remote to do true 1:1 motion.), and Animal Crossing City Folk. Out of all those "big" announcement only one was an actually game. Its seems as if Nintendo has dropped the ball in a big way and now were are going to what Wii need now.

Issue #1 Wii Memory:

We have the Virtual Console which have classics from Super Mario Bros. 3 to the rare never released games like Sin & Punishment. At the beginning there was no issue of space but now its not just Virtual Console classics from NES to SNES which take up little space, as we now have N64, NEO GEO, and TurboGrafx 16 games that just eat up that 512MB flash memory. It does not stop there though; with the release of new channels like Check Mii Out, Everybody Votes Channel, and Internet Channel some of those take up five times the size of any Virtual Console game. To make matters worse, Wii Ware was launched. These original games for Wii are great but when game when a game like Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles My Life as a King can take up almost all your free space on the Wii, that is just wrong. This is no longer a "hardcore" gaming issue, this is to hurting Nintendo's future of competing on an global level. If people have to delete a game every time they want a new one people are just going to stop buying them all together. What happens when people have too many game saves? Do we need to start delete them as well? If Nintendo wants stay in the game they need to fix these problems sooner than later.

Issue # 2 Shovel Ware, PS2 to Wii Ports, Wii Graphics Engine

There is a trend going on Wii that is very troubling to me as the system is almost two years old and it seems that it is not getting much better. The problem that disturbs me is that no one is pushing the system graphically at all. The games that look the best on Wii are games using last generation technology. Games from Metroid Prime 3 to Resident Evil Wii Edition are beautiful, but they are not even close to using the Wii's full potential. There are few games in the Wii's library that look like actual Wii titles. Best example that comes to mind is Nintendo's own Super Mario Galaxy.

This game was designed from the ground up as Wii game and the details and overall polish of the game proves it. Compared to Super Mario Sunshine this game blows Super Mario Sunshine graphically out of the park.

Sadly it is the only true game that has been released so far on the Wii to look so polished and clean that looks next generation. I am not expecting graphics to surpass 360 or PS3 but I do expect games to be made at the highest quality. How many games are announced on 360, and PS3 then are never put on Wii but if there is a PS2 version the Wii iteration isn't far behind? Games like Alone in the Dark, Splinter Cell Double Agent, Call of Duty are direct ports of a PS2 counterparts. Now instead of taking the time to make a true Wii title they just use a cookie cutter to cut and paste the PS2 version of a game on the Wii and throw in some waggle controls and call it a day. Its not only 3rd parties who are the culprits however, as Nintendo gave the developers the wrong model to follow. Look at some of the titles Nintendo released on Wii that were really just Gamecube games. For example, The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess, Super Paper Mario, Donkey Kong Barrel Blast, and Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn. All of these games were finished Gamecube games put on the Wii because they would make more money under the Wii banner than the Gamecube. It was understandable then, but why are developers still cutting corners? The developers have tried to catch up to the demand of games on Wii by releasing anything not boarded to the floor. Every piece of shovel ware you could imagine is out on the system and there is probably more to come. I think Wii owners deserve more and developers are finally hearing our cry. This year Wii has shown us some big hits like Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3 Corruption, Mario Kart Wii, Wii Fit, and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. So what's next? Where are the games that are supposed to push the envelope? Its now up to the 3rd party developers to take charge. Nintendo has shown the world that the Wii is more than a fad, now its up for developers to take risk and make the games that Wii deserves. Developers were not ready for the Wii to be the market leader and it shows. Lackluster ports, poorly implemented Wii Remote controls and just general lack of games. Fortunately some developers are starting to take risk and actually make quality games designed for Wii. One developer in particular has come out of nowhere, and their name is High Voltage Software. These people are taking a step in the right direction, and their proving it with their standalone freshmen title, The Conduit.

This developer has taken it upon themselves to develop a graphics engine specifically for the Wii.This engine has came to be known as the Quantum3 Engine. By doing so they have been able to make their title look like a true next generation game. This title is not just pretty graphics; the people over at High Voltage are making sure that their "M" rated First Person Shooter becomes the standard not the exception to what Wii games should look and play like. As for "M" titles on the Wii the are slowly starting to creep up this year. From Fatal Frame Mask of the Lunar Eclipse,

to new franchises like Cursed Mountain (a survival horror game made ground up for the Wii)

to Platinum Games' (former members of Clover Studios who mad Okami, God Hand, and Viewitful Joe) gruesome action game Mad World.

It seems that we have forgotten that Wii has only been out for a year and eight months and it usually takes longer for great titles to appear on a console. Nintendo in one year has caught up to Xbox 360's 10 million unit one year head start. For Nintendo to continue their success they are going to need to come out with great titles, fix their storage issue, and make sure that 3rd parties push out some great titles. Wii need more and Nintendo better be ready to listen.

Raenius Recommends IV: A Game Fit for a King

2008-07-24T15:32:00.000-04:00

This week's recommendation:
Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King for Nintendo WiiWare

Published by: Square Enix
Developed by: Square Enix
Released: May 12th, 2008 (US)
MSRP: $15.00
ESRB: E
Multiplayer: No
WiFi Enabled: Pay & Play Downloadable Content

Nowadays, Final Fantasy titles are hit or miss (with more on the side of the latter). The DS and PSP has seen some pretty decent releases (original and remakes) and it'll be quite a while before we'll be able to see how bad they screwed up FF XIII. Fortunately, Square Enix has breathed new life into their struggling franchise. It's already a hit in Japan, so it's no wonder why it was also featured in Nintendo's launch line-up for WiiWare here in the states. My Life as a King weighs in as the largest (287 blocks without any DLC) and most expensive title, but don't let that discourage you from checking out this city-building simulator.

Our story takes place sometime after the original Crystal Chronicles ended in a world created by the Crystal Caravans. You play as a young king who has lost everyone and everything to the Miasma (go ahead, look it up. I'll wait...) as you now try to revive and rebuild your kingdom using your new and mysterious power called Architek. Your lovely assistant, Chime, will help you throughout your adventures with tutorials, tips and reports. Everything is explained really well in a timely manner and within 30 minutes or so of playing, you'll be on your own. This game requires a lot of reading which may discourage some players who enjoy more of a visual experience.

Speaking of which, My Life as a King actually looks better than most 3rd party games that you'd find in the stores. It's graphical style can be compared to the recent Final Fantasy titles found on the DS. Everything is bright and cheery and all the people look like little kids. Chime and Sir Hugh Yurg (your personal cook slash knight slash trainer -- an odd combo) are full of details, spunk and personality. The city itself starts out empty, but will take shape from however you build it. After a while, the streets are alive with your loyal roaming citizens. Due to a lack of character models, however, after a while everyone will kind of look alike. Overall this is the best looking WiiWare game from the current launch line-up.

Day to day life for a king will involve assigning behests to your adventurers. You'll pick and choose what their profession is and then what dungeons they'll explore. Conquering certain areas will allow you build additional shops and houses or acquire upgrades. More houses equals more money from daily income you'll use to reward your hired muscle and invest in weapon, armor, magic and item upgrades. A "day" in the game lasts about five minutes which you'll mainly use running around your town talking to the locals and raising moral after all the adventurers have left. I do wish there was more to do during the day, but it is a building-sim after all. Occasionally you'll want to kick back and announce a holiday and let your people take a hard earned break. Although it's very repetitive, you'll find yourself wanting to just play "one more day" for about 10 days.

Your game will be as long as you make it. Which is great. Depending on how you work it out, your first play-through could take 100 days, 200 days or more. You can play through again, if you'd like, and keep your beefed up adventurers but sacrifice your upgrades. Downloadable content will also keep you coming back for more if you feel like shelling out more dough on Wii Points. The Pay & Play content is pretty quality for the most part and varies from dungeons and additional races to new costumes.

I can't tell you that I was waiting for this game to come out. I almost didn't buy it due to the price, but I'm glad I did. It's well worth the money, which is hard to find these days. My Life as a King is a fun title and a great introduction to a wonderful service that will, no doubt, bring us many more fantastic games to come!

Breakin' it downtown!

Presentation: Everything is text and menu driven. So if you're not a fan of reading, you might not dig what Square is trying to sell you. Daily reports are well laid out, fully detailed and descriptive.

Visuals: Sharing the same vein as recent DS titles, this one fails to disappoint in the graphics department. Your kingdom will be the one that never grows up as you watch child-like citizens walking around. A few more characters models would have been nice to break up the monotony.

Audio: A few catchy tunes but nothing special. Music is more background noise than anything else. There's no voice acting, either.

Gameplay: You can use any controller configuration you want (even GameCube) for this one and they all work fine. The whole game is controlled with a couple buttons as everything is menu driven. There's some camera problems when going around corners or between buildings and some slow down when there's a lot of people on screen, but it doesn't matter too much in a sim game.

Multiplayer: None. It would've been nice to be able to visit other people's towns a la Animal Crossing.

Wi-Fi Functionality: Nintendo's first U.S. Pay & Play title has DLC that ranges from 100 to 800 Wii Points with more on the way. Most will become active as soon as it's downloaded and some require a reboot.

Replay: It's all in how you make it. With a flexible story mode and DLC, this title could consume a week of your time or even a few months.

Overall: Don't let the recent downslide in the Final Fantasy world fool you. This is a highly addictive game that challenges you to delegate your limited time and money. It's a pick up and play title that's a welcome change from the usual turn-based RPGs we've been oversaturated with through the years.

-mwb-

MASS RECAP

2008-07-07T16:00:00.000-04:00

So it's been awhile since any major entries from me....Been busy...playing...games.

..........

Procrastination aside,a lot of stuff has been going on in the gaming world and i'm going to cover it all AT ONCE.Ok so maybe not,but I will cover a bit.
DUEL 1 LET'S ROCK .

Metal Gear Solid 4

The theatrical series comes to a dramatic climax in this PS3 sequel.I'm sure most if not all of you have played or at least heard of this game so I'm going to refrain from the usual pleasantries of trying to explain the plot to newcomers (you can always use the database which I'll get to in a bit.)So that leaves us with the Gameplay and other elements.

This game introduces many new features,most notably the OctoCamo.The OctoCamo is an active camoflage system that catches the colors and nuances of your surroundings that you press against.This is pivotal to survival as Snake isn't just sneaking thru sterile military labs or dense jungles,he will be surrounded by a living battlefield,always keeping sure to stay moving and maintain your cover.Of course you could always NOT sneak and go all gung-ho Rambo style.The shooting system has been refined to be more open ended,offering both 3rd and 1st person perspectives on the fly allowing you to shift with the action as you please.

Skirmishes are mainly fought between two armies with Snake being the 3rd party interference.You can assist the small militia and get a reputation with them,making it easier to sneak by at least one of the front lines.Overall sneaking is much easier this time around with many of the hi-tech amenities you have at your disposal,not to say it's a cakewalk,but if you've played the predecessor Snake Eater without the 360 camera(or even Subsistence) you should fly through this game at a respectively fast pace which is definitely a shame.Especially since after you've played through the game you are doing a ton more WATCHING than PLAYING with playthroughs ranging from as low as 4 hours(wow.)

Metal Gear Online offers some more playtime with the game however expanding on the ideas presented in Subsistence's online modes with customizable characters,clan support,and some creative map layouts with some returning from Subsistence as well.However,I'm not a fan of having to remember another password and login due to the lack of PSN support,and adding friends and joing their matches while it should be simple feels like an elaborate chore.Maybe I'm spoiled by Xbox Live...I don't know maybe it's just me.

Castlevania Judgement

Probably the most random thing in recent days.A 3d Castlevania fighter...for the wii.

....

With art by Takeshi Obata(Death Note)characters look very little like their past incarnations.The game is looking to take a Power Stone-esque view on combat...we'll just have to see how it turns out.

E3 2008

This year was pretty disappointing.For an event known for it's crazy game announcements and previews it was pretty tepid this time around.Final Fantasy XIII is confirmed for 360 along with a revamped Dashboard update for the Fall and Wii is finally getting voice chat prominently featured in Animal Crossing:City Folk along with 1:1 motion with the Wii MotionPlus and a new Wii sports.Ps3 is getting some...stuff....

.....

Megaman 9

So now it's going to be multiplatform on all current gen systems even sporting the crappy box art seen here(like the NES era US games).8-bit graphics with the old school Megaman feel,this will definitely be the best game you'll buy for 10 dollars this year.

Regular updates will be on the way once again after this week so don't think we forgot about you guys.

What If a New DS Was Announced at E3 2008?

2008-06-18T14:14:00.001-04:00

Many rumors are flying around already about this year's E3 and I'm sure there will be many more as July draws closer. One of those rumors was a remodeled or next generation of the money making machine also known as Nintendo DS. I can see why people would think a next gen model would be coming soon. Game Boy Color came out in 1998, Game Boy Advance in 2001, the original DS was unleashed in 2004 and followed up by the DS Lite in 2006. It would seem every three years or so Nintendo makes us empty our wallets for a new handheld. A new DS system in 2009 would seem to be a safe bet. Personally, I think a redesign is more likely. The DS has plenty of life left. The dual screened wonder has sold over 100 million units worldwide (source) and doesn't show too many signs of stopping. Games are still being released like wildfire (I'm talking quantity, not quality), it's still way ahead of PSP and Nintendo still has some key franchises they haven't covered yet. I predict we'll see one more redesign before a totally new version emerges. But what if I'm wrong?

I present to you my Nintendo DS "Next" Wishlist...

» Wi-Fi Enabled PictoChat: This would seem as such an obvious feature but, knowing Nintendo, it would still require Friend Codes to chat (which we all know I love!). A buddy list similar to AIM/MSN would be convenient to see if your friends are available for playing.

» Quality Speakers: I usually play with headphones because those cheap speakers sound awful. One of the few things the PSP got right was quality speakers.

» Backwards Compatibility: Another obvious one, but it still needs to be said. First gen DS games are a must. GBA should still be there, too. Slot 2 is also useful for accessories (Guitar Hero, anyone?).

» Internal Rumble: Not too important, but would be nice. As long as it isn't overused, it shouldn't affect battery life too much.

» Improved Download Play Speeds: DS Download Play is a great feature for people that want to play but don't own a copy of the game. Even Multicard Play load times are pretty hefty. Hopefully they are working on ways to decrease the waiting time to play.

» SD Slot: Nintendo has to compete with the PSP as far as multimedia. Being able to store game saves, pictures, video and music would be a nice addition for an on-the-go gamer.

» Larger Buttons: Notice I didn't say more buttons. Even though the DS appeals to children, us older folk have bigger hands and I don't think bigger buttons would cause any kiddies to not be able to play. The only button addition needed is a home button similar to Wii.

» Improved Graphics: There's only been a few games that really pushed the DS to it's limits in the graphics department (Exhibit A). So it's hard to tell what "improved graphics" would be. It won't be a huge jump, but even increasing cart size may help developers pack some more punch.

» Ergonomic Design: The DS "Phat" was actually easier to hold on to for extended periods of time than the Lite. We all like out tech toys to be small, but it has to be comfortable too.

» Widescreen: Another feature that could be cool, but not needed. The touch screen should probably stay around the same size but the top screen could prove quite useful in wide screen.

» Updated Firmware: The next DS should be Wii's true counterpart. The channel menu interface would be touch screen friendly and very familiar. Having a game channel and home button would be useful for hot swapping (it's really a pain to keep turning on and off the system). With a touch of a button on the home screen you can flip the bottom screen with the top screen where you'll find your buddy list, messages and data management. And of course, it's all upgradeable.

» Internal Flash Memory: Time to stop wasting room saving on the cart. If an externalcard slot isn't included, I don't see it impossible to include at least 256 MB worth of memory built in for downloading demos and games (see below).

» Virtual Console: It worked for the Wii! With your My Nintendo account linked to your DS you can transfer your purchased games to your DS. With the current button layout most NES/GEN/SNES/SMS games should work fine. It also seems DS homebrew is all over the place so the only logical thing to do is cash in with DS Ware. The addition of GB/GBC/GBA games would be the icing on the cake.

Nintendo is infamous for doing a lot right and a lot wrong with their systems. I highly doubt all these features could be included, but I like to think that at least a few of them will. You have to think about the production costs, price points, etc. Parents aren't going to shell out $300 for a hand held for their kids. A nice balance of the above features will get 1st gen DS owners to migrate over and should attract some new customers as well (if there's anyone out there without one already!). Then there's people like us that will buy whatever Nintendo tells us to.

-mwb-

Take your sword and FIGHT! Its Ninja Gaiden II

2008-06-07T15:29:00.000-04:00

One game developer had an image. He had a dream. One Tomonobu Itagaki had a vision to create the greatest action game of all time. Mr. Itagaki has succeeded. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you Ninja Gaiden II, the most awesomely hard game filled with action to see in this current generation. I've decided to give Gaiden II the proper review it deserves. Don't listen to those big league IGN critics who base their review off of the normal setting. This is not the review it deserves.

Ninja Gaiden II takes place chronologically after the 2004 release of Ninja Gaiden, and starts off with quite a kick. The opening cinema is gorgeous and fluid but don't get comfortable, this game kickstarts right into gear. Ryu Hayabusa finds himself rescuing CIA agent Sonia from a pack of fiends. Here is where the tomfoolery begins. All that talk about making Ninja Gaiden II easier for possibility of inviting new fans to jump on the wagon is completely effaced. You will be overwhelmed by the difficulty of the "regular enemies" and overwhelmed by the amount of enemies you actually face. This game screams oldschool in every sense of the word. Ridiculous patterns? Check. Crazy platforming? Oh yeah. Now add in the fact that every enemy has an "Anti-Ryu" specific move set, and you're pretty much dead. These enemies don't chill and wait for you to attack. They attack you effortlessly and relentlessly. The story in this game is very similar to the first game. While its no Lost Odyssey or Okami in terms of story, it is more than efficient for an action game of its caliber.

The sound in this Gaiden does not let down either. Temco offers several Japanese ninja-esque beats that will get your blood pumping in no time. The legions of enemies you fight plus the rush of the music you listen to at the same time makes regular battles seem almost too epic. But you can't get epic enough with this game now can you?

The environments and the character models are slick, smooth and look pretty but they still suffer from that "clay" or shiny look. That's quite alright, as you won't be spending the time looking at the character models and environments. You'll be spending all your time dismembering fiend ninjas and sewer mutants as you fill the room with so much blood it looks like a slaughterhouse. That's the kind of detail that makes you go, "Wow."

And seeing as though you're a ninja warrior, it only makes sense to move like a ninja. Ninja Gaiden's controls are both tight yet loose at the same time. Tight in the sense that you can execute any deliberate move and get out of tight squeeze. Loose in the sense that Ryu moves like quicksilver and can easily string all of his moves together (and show it off with a little pasaz as well). Ryu moves like an badarse ninja on a mission, and rightfully so.

But let me be the first to warn you, Ninja Gaiden II is no Call of Duty 4 or Gears of War. Its not a walk in the park by any means, and you may find yourself cursing the heavens on multiple occasions. The game offers an exponential amount of reply value as it offers several ranges of difficulty from Mentor to Master Ninja. If you think Warrior is hard, then you haven't played anything yet. That is, if you think you can handle it. You can compare your feeble Ninja score on the Leaderboards to the true King of Kings who dominate the the top ten score. All the the more to beat those harder difficulties right?

So does Ninja Gaiden deserve the reviews its been getting? Not a chance. Hard games filled with ridiculous enemies and bosses are a dime a dozen nowadays. Ninja Gaiden II is truly a standalone action game in our current generation of games. There is nothing, if not very little that compares to Gaiden on its level.

Blowing Off Steam: Digging a Hole With Shovelware

2008-05-21T12:07:00.001-04:00

The Nintendo Wii and DS are next-gen systems just like the 360, PSP and PS3. They are revolutionary pieces of hardware that create new ways to play, new genres and games yet to be even thought of. They're fun for all ages, they're easy to pick up and play and appeal to hardcore gamers and casual audiences alike. The Wii is sold out everywhere. They currently hold titles for best selling console and hand held system worldwide. So why do the majority of the games look and play like crap?

Today we suffer from Shovelware. Useless pieces of software that have been taking up store shelf space ever since the days of the Atari 2600 (a moment of silence for E.T.). These games are low budget and underdeveloped. The DS is best example with so many games that only sell for the movie or kid's show they are based upon. The Wii hasn't even been out two years and it's safe to say that more than half of the games were rushed to the system solely on the premise that the system sells well and therefore people will buy cheap games. And they do. So they make more horrible games. And the vicious cycle continues.

During the days of the original NES we saw some of the greatest games ever made. These games were timeless and so good that we are still seeing sequels, remakes and spin-offs of them to this day. Of course the NES had it's share of Shovelware, but with so many classic games how did Nintendo keep in check the quality of games from third party developers? It's a great idea and a great invention from the daddy of good ideas: The 10NES chip. An authentication code for NES game console. The system consisted of two parts -- a computer chip in the NES that would check the cartridge in the system for authentication, and a chip in the cartridge that would give the 10NES code upon demand. If the cartridge did not provide the authentication, then the system would not boot up. Pure diabolical genius!

So the crash of 1983 is over. The world is excited about video games again and it's Nintendo at the head of the pack. The system is selling like crazy and game companies want a piece of the action. Well, they're at the mercy of Nintendo. So what does Nintendo do? Limits each company to five games a year. Sounds crazy, but what happens? Developers are forced to only release the greatest and best developed games they have. So what do we get out of this deal? Konami gives us classics like Castlevania, Contra, Gradius and Metal Gear. Capcom graces us with legendary games such as 1942, Bionic Commando, Little Nemo: Dream Master, Mega Man, Snow Brothers and Strider. Let's not forget Tradewest who brought us Double Dragon and Battletoads. And of course Tengen (AKA Nintendo's arch enemy -- Atari, who will later steal the patent and make unlicensed games) gives us Fantasy Zone, Gauntlet, Pac-Man and even Shinobi.

Those were the days when the Nintendo Seal of Quality meant something. Nowadays it would be the Seal of Quantity. While Nintendo makes some of the greatest games for the DS and Wii that will someday be called classics, we are flooded with third party trash. Capcom is one of the few that sometimes continues it's proud tradition of great games (but not always) and develops games like Okami, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles, Pheonix Wright and Zak & Wiki. Other "developers" will give us let downs like Cruisin', Monster Trux Extreme: Offroad Edition, Ninjabread Man, Wing Island, Chicken Shoot and many many many more. I'm not saying graphics are everything (case and point: No More Heroes), but there are N64 games that look (and play) better.

One reason for so much Shovelware could be because no one knew the Wii would be so popular and therefore didn't make any games for it. The development kit it far cheaper than 360 and PS3, so instead of making quality games they rush out some low budget kids games while the iron is still hot. Well the Wii isn't going anywhere. If Nintendo wants to stay on top they need the software to back it up. With so many first party killer aps for the DS and Wii, it's about time for Nintendo to get its Grand Theft Auto or Halo. Something that gets everyone excited. Something Nintendo didn't make. Something Shigeru Miyamoto didn't have a hand in. Something that looks amazing, is original and plays great without the feeling of tacked on motion or touch controls.

The light at the end of the tunnel could be the dawn of WiiWare. Downloadable games developed exclusively for Wii. Some developers are actually leaving Microsoft and switching over to WiiWare. It seems like it could actually dethrone the goliath that is Xbox Live Arcade. Why? Well, the biggest difference is also the smallest. It is the simple division of Virtual Console games and WiiWare games in the Wii Shop Channel. Even though it is very insignificant to the common consumer, companies see this as a solid boundary line. Instead of new IPs being lost in the shuffle of remakes and touched up classic arcade games they are set apart and put in the spotlight. It would seem like developers are excited again about making new games. Now major, independent and unknown companies have a chance to do something good. Something fresh.

Frontier Developers are taking a step back from games like Thrillville to give us a breath of fresh air called LostWinds. Luc Bernard & Partners left Microsoft to put the highly anticipated side-scroller Eternity's Child onto WiiWare and has now started work on Rose Princess; a mature rated 2D Castlevania-like/Disney style/Victorian era adventure game featuring a robotic cross-dressing, drug-addicted rabbit (huh?). Telltale games is helping to make the internet sensation of Homestar Runner into five interactive "webisodes". World of Goo, from 2D Boy, looks like one of the most original puzzle games in a long time. Blobber Team gives us Last Flight; a bloody cel-shaded horror survival title set aboard a zombie infested plane which, hopefully, will look as good as it sounds. It looks like WiiWare might force retail console games to be good again if they want anyone to buy them. Why spend $50 on garbage when i can get a quality $10 WiiWare game?

But, one of the most surprising companies to do a 180 is High Voltage Software. From the days of White Men Can't Jump for the Atari Jaguar to 50 Cent: Bulletproof, HVS doesn't have too good of a track record. With the recent announcement and trailer of the title The Conduit, they proved that Nintendo isn't the only ones who can make good looking, quality games for the Wii. They are actually developing a brand new Wii specific engine called Quantum3 and they're ultimate goal is a beautiful 60 FPS. They have stated that "With Conduit, we are trying to make a Wii game that looks like a 360 title." If that wasn't enough, they have also tapped into WiiWare with Animales de Muerte, a top down shooter where you kill zombie zoo animals, and Gyrostarr, which is a F-Zero/Tempest hybrid.

With the recent addition of the Nintendo Channel, gamers like you and me can submit feedback about titles which will hopefully be taken seriously by the game companies out there. I highly doubt the average Shovelware buyer would even care (or even know) about this feature. Poor THQ will never know how good Bratz: Movie Starz is! The universe will slowly unfold before our eyes!

I could go on forever and there's plenty more points that I couldn't get to. But, I believe a company can make just as much money with one great game as it could with ten bad ones. Spend the money you would have on the next Hannah Montana or Petz game and advertise your good games. Sadly, you'll never see a commercial for gems like Okami or No More Heroes. It's a shame so many games become sleeper hits and only people like you and me know about them. While we will never see an end to Shovelware, lets hope that developers realize that it's not supposed to be the quantity of games they can put out. Let's bring back the days of quality!

-mwb-

Suprise,suprise...GTA IV.

2008-05-16T13:14:00.000-04:00

So,Grand Theft Auto IV.Where do I start with this game? I feel almost obligated to an extent to discuss this game,and while everyone has their opinions on it already,I still feel as though it needs to be touched on here at least once.After all everything deserves a fair shake right?The launch hype of the game is done and over with as well so there's no time like the present I suppose.

Grand Theft Auto is a long running series that among other things asks the player to shed his or her morality and engage in family-friendly activities such is murder,arson,soliciting prostitution,shooting up city blocks,and the titular grand theft auto just to name a few.In early titles we were offered a top down view of our world ala Micro Machines.It wasn't until Grand Theft Auto 3 that we were introduced to the 3d world we've grown accustomed to now.Seeing the cars we had to steal,interacting with the people of the city on a whole new level.It was incredible.Subsequent sequels expanded on the ideas and added new elements including new cities to cavort in,richer character development,more weaponry,and crazy new vehicles like Jet-packs.

From GTA3 to GTA:San Andreas the game matured into a full experience.Including stat development for your character,a simple but effective respect system,and a HUUUUUGE playable area.At this point Grand Theft Auto IV sounds INSANE."How will they expand on San Andreas?" I thought.So they day is fast approaching and pictures and videos of the game are being released and as I read about this I seethe since as opposed to expanding on San Andreas things are being REMOVED.So going into this game I had the worst of expectations.I reluctantly take it home and fire it up...

Already the game has been streamlined even in the loading screens.We are introduced to the new art-style,it takes on a more serious,realistic tone as opposed to the generally comic look of the previous trilogy.Immediately we are introduced to our main protagonist,Niko Bellic.An illegal immigrant from eastern Europe thats lived a harsh life.Promised a life of wealth and luxury from his cousin,Roman Bellic,he comes to find anything but upon his arrival to Liberty City.

Already you can see the overall environment is more detailed than any other entry in the Grand Theft Auto series.In fact everything is more detailed than previous installments.Shoot a pedestrian in the leg and they will hobble,clutching their wound in agony.Run over a person and you can see the dent they made in the car and the resulting blood spray on your hood.In some cases people implore you take them out of their misery,really ramping up the overall creepiness factor.

All the changes aren't violent,bloody ones though.The main emphasis on Grand Theft Auto IV is being social.On top of taking jobs and doing missions for the denizens of Liberty City's underworld,you can go out to get drinks with them,catch a standup show,shoot some pool along with other cool mini-games and activities.This isn't just some distraction however,keeping a healthy social relationship with these people can net you rewards like free taxi service,car bombs,and other perks.It replaces San Andreas' mentality of "improve yourself through training" with a "Get more connections" sort of feel.This way when you move up in the ranks,you really feel as though you are moving up.Calling people up on your cell,making deals and getting work,it all feels very authentic.

Speaking of the phone,it will be the most central part of your adventures in Liberty City.From calling up friends and contacts to get more money or go out ,dialing up 911 to 'acquire' a police vehicle,finding out the name of a song,and changing up your appearance in Multi-player modes or starting a Multi-player game in general.The cell phone makes for some hilarious moments too,like getting phone calls from Roman in the middle of gunfights.

Being a fan of the Radio stations in the previous entries one of the first things i did was check out the sounds.The soundtrack is as diverse as ever,from staples like Talk Radio to European Rock it's definitely a treat.Joining the Radio in the media ensemble is the Television and the Internet.The game's irreverent humor reaches into these realms as well,providing hilarious TV spots and short shows as well as fake websites that spoof popular internet pages all laid out authentically(you can even use your USB keyboard to type).The attention to detail is definitely there.

The game offers you tons but like any story,without a strong lead character it falls apart.Grand Theft Auto is known for it's charismatic leads and Niko is no different.He shows emotion and feels regret.You are often put in situations that dictate whether or not characters live or die.The gravity of these choices along with the character's history lends him a feel unique to the players actions.Is Niko a lost soul living life with a 'do what you gotta do' attitude?Or is he a cold-blooded killer that lost his remorse and kills without mercy?

Truly,Grand Theft Auto IV is an experience that is unique to the player,which is a first for the series.And while it lacks the inner depth of San Andreas,it has a social feel to it all it's own so you feel more attached to the living,breathing city.Even if you loathe GTA you owe it to yourself to sit down and play this game.

First Impressions: Mario Kart Wii

2008-05-02T18:26:00.000-04:00

I've been playing Mario Kart Wii for a couple weeks now. I've finished all of the 50cc and 100cc races and I'm starting to whittle down the always infamous 150cc. I've played a pretty good amount of online races and time trials. I haven't done too many Vs. battles yet, though. So without going into the whole history of Mario Kart, I would say that, overall, this latest installment is a solid one. It makes a good first impression with a solid single player, some fun and interesting new tracks and some touched up classic ones and (by far) the best online experience the Wii has to offer so far (sorry, but you have to agree with me on this one brawlers!). Although, as we dig deeper, it seems we've always had to take the good with the bad on this long running franchise.

Pros

» Adding Friends: Nintendo is finally starting to get their act together. Friend codes are easier to get because you can send an invite to your buddy as long as you have exchanged Wii console codes. Hopefully they continue this trend in future titles.

» Controls: In the same vein as Smash Bros., you can use four (technically five) different control schemes. I've been playing mainly with the Wii Remote by itself (yes, the elusive fifth method -- the Wii Wheel did nothing for me) but I've been meaning to try the Classic and Nunchuck attachment variations.

» No "Snaking": I'm sure people will find a way around this, but for now let's enjoy it.

» Online Play: Opponents can be regional or worldwide and are found almost instantly. All the single player modes are included. You can even catch (in real time) the last minute of the previous race before you join in the action. After voting for a track the race begins in no time. Makes you wonder if they learned their lesson from what happened with Smash Bros.

» Unlockables: 14 additional characters and 19 more karts and bikes become available in a pretty good series of progression. Including Miis is a nice touch for added customization.

» Graphics: Although not too much better than it's GameCube predecessor, everything is bright, crisp and clean. Seeing all your Miis while driving through Coconut Mall is fun and distracting!

Cons

» Overabundance of Powerful Items: It seems with every new Mario Kart they increase the frequency of killer items like squid ink, lightning bolts and blue shells. It's pretty ridiculous the amount of these that CPUs get during even just one lap. The game sometimes ends up requiring more luck than it does skill.

» Controls: It seems we have a double edged sword here. Tilt control is tight and works great until you hit something, then things sometimes go a little wacky and unresponsive. Doing wheelies with the bike will drive you into walls if you don't snap straight back. Power slides are hard to do without the over sized B button of the bulky Wii Wheel.

» "Rubberbanding": It seems no matter how far you get ahead of the CPUs, one hit with a shell with send them whizzing by you before you can get back up to speed. It keeps the game very challenging and very frustrating!

» Graphics: The game looks great at 60 FPS, but if you're playing with a 3 or 4 player split-screen it gets downgraded to 30 FPS. Boo.

So should any of these cons deter you from purchasing this latest installment? Of course not! Mario Kart is a beloved title we expect to see in every generation of Nintendo's consoles. With so much to do it'll keep long time fans busy and introduce newcomers to blue shell madness! It's almost a no brainer for the Big N to cash in on one of their oldest and best selling franchises. It's sure come a long way and I'm sure we'll see another one in a few years time. Whether it's portable or not, we'll have to wait and see. While the obvious choice for the next racer would be F-Zero, I think we have quite a ways to go before seeing it hit shelves. To nail down those ultra high speed precision turns is going to take a while to perfect with tilt control. And I'm willing to wait for that. So until then, throw back a red shell or two and enjoy the chaos that can only be found in Mario Kart!

-mwb-

Have Games gotten Easier? Take a look at this!

2008-04-30T22:43:00.000-04:00

A couple of days ago, I dusted off my old NES and rediscovered a certain gem. It was Batman: The Video Game loosely (and I do mean loosely) based off of the 1989 Tim Burton film. Well, I popped that bad boy right in and for a good hour or so, I got stuck at stage 3. It totally whupped my behind. Right then and there it was painfully obvious that game developers as a whole don't make them like they use to. Batman is one of the NES's most challenging games ever, and this was a MOVIE GAME! Game developer Sunsoft pulled no punches. This was a seriously challenging game that made you use your wits and skills to progress further.

So to make my argument today, I'm not going to write a top 10 list of this or a 5 games of all time of that. Rather, I'm just going to present evidence Phoenix Wright style that proves my point that they just don't make em like they use to. And since I have Batman shown up here, why not start with that?

Batman: The game based off the movie. If the movie was made by Sunsoft, the most vilest men and women to walk the earth.
I would love to see how the developers sat around and came up with this game. "So, Mr. Saki-son. How about we add whole bunch of things that were never even in the comic books, nevermind the movie?" "Like what?" "You know, killer pottery, random guys with guns, Sucker-Punch Machines, Hopping Sewer mutants and Tanks?" That basically sums up Batman. Except take those enemies, and put them in the worst possible places in the history of platforming. I'm serious. I can't describe how hard the level design in this game is. One stage requires you to climb up a conduit of some sort. However, there are dudes with flamethrowers EVERYWHERE. Once you somehow kill the guys who occupy the only space you have to land on, you find out that at the top of a narrow staircase is a conspicuously placed tank. Ain't that the pits!? Sunsoft seemed to follow Nintendo's policy of starting you off easy with the first two stages and offer no transition of difficulty afterwards. By the time you make it to stage 3, you'll wish you hadn't. Its here where Batman encounters the most ludicrous platforms and enemies to date. Of course, a great game is as only as good as its bosses, and you didn't expect them to be pushovers. I recall the boss of stage three aptly being named "The Executioner." And why is that? For one, he can shoot a boom out of his electrical rod arm twice the size of Batman's sprite. Just how are you suppose to beat that?

The game does a magnificent job of outdoing itself, because just when you think it can't get any harder, it does tenfold. If you ever do manage to reach the top of the clocktower, you'll have to face Firebug. And may you pray to the deity of your choice, because Firebug can easily obliterate you in .5 seconds. This game's number one reason for existing was to make sure no one beat it. Let me put it in perspective for you folks. My brother and I have owned this game since it came out. Nearly 20 years later, I managed to beat the game only a couple weeks ago. How did I accomplish such a feat? I honestly couldn't tell you. But I can tell you this. If I had put that much work into my college work, I would have been a bloody Professor at the age of 21.

Contra: For the love of God, find a second player. Preferably one that doesn't suck.

Ah Contra. The original run and gun action game. Many consider Contra to be one of the defining 2 player games of all time, and its not hard to see why. You and a partner took control of Bill Rizer and Lance Bean and fought against the invading alien forces. This offers no mercy whatsoever. One hit is all it takes to off either you or partner, and you get shot by everyone and everything. This game was most surely an a elite game. Everything about this game screams intense. From climbing the waterfall in stage 2 while simultaneously being shot by enemy forces to facing mammoth sized bosses, this game had it all for an NES. I couldn't possibly explain the feeling you get when you get shot by a stray bullet or beam which would promptly end your turn as you either watched your partner go on or steal one of his or her's life. This game is also difficult depending on who you play it with. (Which would be an obvious, no brainer but it really honestly does.) If you're saddled with someone who is Contra-challenged, then you can kiss your luck goodbye. The last thing you need is to carry a sub-par soldier around the battlefield who gobbles all of your lives and takes all the good weapons, right? You're pretty much ensuring your own end. You wanna talk about frustrating, go right ahead, but don't forget to mention this game.

Super Mario Bros. 2: Better known as Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels: It's Murder Time.
This game is downright vile. I almost shouldn't even write anything as a testament to how God-awfully hard this game is. For those of you who believe that Nintendo games for the most part have always been easy obviously never owned a NES or a SNES.

Everyone knows and loves Super Mario Bros! Who could forget the side scrolling hop and bop adventures of our middle aged slightly plump yet mysteriously athletic plumber? I don't think there is a man or woman on earth who can play Mario. I do believe however, that there are very little that can BEAT Mario. This one game in particular just maybe the hardest Mario game they've ever made. Gone is the two player and in its place are the character specific attributes. Mario runs faster and can stop quicker, and Luigi can jump higher but has worse traction. Add in some trick Poison Mushroom blocks that will either shrink you or kill you, and you've got a fantastic Mario game already. So the mechanics of the game hasn't really changed. Its the everything else that has. Namely, the stage design. There are levels where I swear, you begin to question your own existence. One stage I can think of in particular starts off with you coming out of the little brick house. All you see in a green spring. That's it. They expect you to jump from spring to spring, while a HAILSTORM brews calculatingly, yet unexpectedly. Surprise Jerkface! And for the love of God, DON'T take any warp zones. They'll send you back to where you came from. Its Nintendo's personal way of saying "Ain't no body gonna cheat with me."

Streets of Rage 3: This is your left, that's your right, this is your right, that's your right, this is your left, that's your left, this is your right, You're Gonna DIE!
You know, I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Beat Em Ups. I've been fond of Battletoads, Doubledragons. Battletoads and Doubledragons. Golden Axe 1 and 2. But it was the Streets of Rage series that really took the cake for me. Maybe I'm a glutton for pain, but these games were pretty ruthless. 3 in particular. You can play as either Axel, Blaze, Skate and the usually useless Dr. Zan (I always played as Blaze.) as you patrol these "streets of rage." And it was exactly that. Swarms of enemies emerge from the shadows at they all punch you. At the same time. You would loose your health bar faster than Samus being drained by a metroid. But that's not even the tip of the iceberg. Don't even forget the fact that each and everyone of these enemies have a specific purpose if you think about it. Garcias for example have a tendency to run a around with machetes and stab the first thing that feels like flesh. Donovan's rill rise inexplicably from sewer holes and dark alleys to crack you in the mouth with kitchen pipes and prove to be your anti-air by offering you an uppercut for your thoughts. How about those motorcycle folks who make it a point to run you down and toss grenades as if they were tossing caution in the wind? And don't get me started on Jet. Jet's a great enemy because he comes equipped with a jet pack. Oh that's right. You read that right. This is a sidescrolling beat em up, and someone brings a jet pack to the fray?! Jet and his cronies named Mach and other horrible names won't even go toe to toe with you. No. They'll just carry you into the sky and drop you on your head. Now, put this game on Hard Mode, and you'll have 4 of them to fight at once. Sshyeah. This was certainly a test for the ages.

Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom

No.

Mega Man: I seriously can't think of anything witty to say to this piece of garbage.
Like most of these games on this evidence list, Mega Man is a just a classic. What could be possibly cooler than a futuristic robot blowing up other futuristic robots while combining intense platforming elements? The world simply fell in love with Mega Man's charm, but apparently the folks at Capcom didn't really like the cut of his jib. So you know what they did? They made it as exceedingly difficult as possible. Sure, the game was one of the first to employ a level select and a rock, paper, scissors element to it, but all of that didn't matter! Because the world was out to get you! Take a look at the screen shot for example. That flying blue guy on the left? You wouldn't be able to tell from this alone, but he moves in a sporadic left to right fashion making it nearly impossible for you to perform even the simplest of actions. Like what? I mean climbing a ladder. Jumping from a different platform. (And don't even THINK about sliding off that platform, or you'll sink faster than a lead balloon in a pool of Mercury.) Figuring out this pattern lead to many an aneurysm for many game players of old and even new. And by the way, Wily's Fortress was the one of the most demonic structures ever to test the fragility of the weak and frail human shell we call bodies. After beating horrible machines like the Yellow Devil, you're treated to fighting these robot masters (the bosses) again in no order, WITH the life bar that you have. Imagine that you have to fight Dr. Wily right afterwards and if you fail, its back to the depths for you! What a fun little adventure this was. Too bad its one of the hardest games ever.

The Legend of Zelda: YOU DARE BRING LOGIC AND FAIRNESS TO MY LAIR!? FOR THAT YOU WILL DIE!
While it may be true that the later Zeldas have maybe gotten easier, nothing can take away from the fact the hardest game in the series is the original. There's no doubt about it. The game that broke the way for the series also aimed to break you back and humble. Seriously, I don't know what to say about this game that made it so hard. Was it the Stalfos Skeleton Knights that were tenacious as heck? Or was it those wizards that would appear at random points in the dungeon? Or maybe its the fact that there isn't a human soul around to tell you where to go after you beat on dungeon? Maybe its because the entire dungeons of the game were nothing more than trails to see who could get frustrated faster? Regardless, The Legend of Zelda remains one of the hardest games to date with seemingly impossible to beat bosses (and no hints mind you) and the only game that would would fool you into using a small key on a fake door, then scrounging up enough rupees to actually buy a new one. The enemies in this game were overly strong to the point where it wasn't annoying to get him by them, but rather life or death. And speaking of life and death...

Super R-Type: Or How I learned to lose

What can I say about R-Type that isn't obvious? Developer IREM obviously hates humankind, and so they developed this piece of treasure. If you haven't played R-Type, its a basic sidescrolling shooter where you take control of a spaceship and blast the alien forces on the opposing side. Seems simple right? It is, until you're attacked by every single thing ever. I mean surprise alien thingies from the planet's surface to weird alien claw things from the ceiling and onward. I honestly cannot sit here and tell you how many things actually attack. Oh and you get one hit. ONE HIT! (As are most standard shooters, but man.) You can collect power-ups and whatnot but you know what--it don't even matter. The amount of power-ups you collect will never protect you from bullets coming everywhere at once. That is, unless you collect a shield. But I'm not even sure that's in this game.

Metroid: The Original Undisputed Queen of Frustration

I originally thought about putting "Undisputed King" of Frustration, but doing that would probably make the game seem less hardcore. Metroid may take the cake here for one of these single hardest games in the history of mankind. You can't deny it. Try playing it. Try it. Really. See what happens. I'll tell you what happens. You'll lose. You'll die. You'll toss your controller in angst. Everything about Samus's first adventure I swear was meant to be her last. You play as this seemingly genderless cyborg named Samus (***SPOILER*** and if you don't know, that genderless cyborg is revealed to be a woman at the end of the game. But I doubt you'll ever beat the game so go ahead and read this line anyway.) whose mission is to infiltrate the Planet Zebes and exterminate the Metroid threat, as well the Space Pirates base and Mother Brain. Pretty simple for an adventure. But just like every other game listed in this pretend list, the party gets a little crazy. I shouldn't even name it a party. Its more like an execution.

Samus starts off her adventure by only being able to aim in to general directions. That's up and her neutral position. Fabulous, especially for a game that involves deep exploration and versatile enemies on every side. But it gets better. Samus apparently until she gets an upgrade, can only shoot as far an inch. Great. So what do we have so far? Can only aim up or neutral and shoots horrendously weak pellets as far as an inch. Super Duper. Is there anything else I haven't recalled yet? Oh yeah, flying enemies can hit you while you pass through doors (which is suppose to be a 3 second safe haven) and there is no map whatsoever. That means you gotta get out there and tough it at, with as almost as much handicaps as our good friend Mega Man has on the higher part of this page. Oh well. At least he has a life bar. And to let you all know, I've never beaten the original Metroid, because I'm not a superhuman.

Super Ghouls 'N Ghost: The Coup De Grace

This may have done it right now. Super Ghouls 'N Ghost may be the single hardest thing I've ever played in my entire life. I beat Batman, beat Mega Man, and even the Legend of Zelda. I have yet to beat this kidney stone.

I don't even know where to begin. Artur, the knight you play as, may very well be the weakest protagonist of all time. Imagine what would happen if you took Mega Man (no love for the blue guy) force him to ingest a thousand poison mushrooms. Couple that with his inherited Batman's
better-know-where-you're-jumping-because-now-its-a-commitment ability. Everything about Arthur screams "HIT ME". Allow me to explain. It only takes one hit, one misjudged jump to strip Arthur of all of his armor. The next hit will kill him. It doesn't matter how much uberly awesome super armor Arthur picks up to enhance and charge his weapons. One stray hit and you'll be back in your undies.

To convey how hard this game is, let me guide you through the first level. It starts with you scrolling the side with no problem right? Kill the first red haired zombie you see, and the game's difficulty is magnified by an instant 32045150248540840 billion percent. Skeleton snakes pop up from the ground and blow fire at you, there are fake treasure chests that will have a magician emerge and change you into a baby. A BABY! Oh, and the only salvation you have from your drift jump is another mid air jump. Good luck trying not to land on an opening coffin.

So assuming you got past the graveyard looking area as presented in the image. You'll make it to a quite random ocean with what looks like stable ground. Make first jump, and I swear on my holy diver that an instant tsunami is summoned. And I mean instant in the sense that Version FiOS is instant. All the ground that you see is wiped away and the only platforms you have to jump on have mutant demon clams that shoot eyeballs out at you.

Okay, so you make it past the ocean of anguish somehow. Welcome to the Jungle. They're not playing games. You'll be greeted by a jungle of vines and a skull cart that aims to run you down. Why? I have no idea. But it gets worst. If you somehow have magic armor, kiss it goodbye! Even fruit tries to attack you. I'm serous! Random pink inflated fruit vines grow and follow you till they explode or you explode them. Odd? Yes. Dangerous? You bet. Unfair and challenging? No doubt.

I'd love to tell you more about this stage, but I honestly can't even remember what the boss looks like. I've only been able to get this far a handful of times. My greatest feat is that I somehow someway made it to the 4th stage of this game. But that was only once.

My point is being this. You've seen the games I've listed, and while there are the occasional hard ones every now and then (Devil May Cry 3 for the PS2 and Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox) they just simply don't make them as hard or as challenging and rewarding as they use to. Don't get me wrong. Some current generation games like Rainbow Six Las Vegas offer a pretty deep, challenging experience. But its not Metroid levels of hard. I'm talking so hard it that only the select few would be able to beat it. Nintendo every once in a while likes to churn out these games as a reminder to how ruthless they use to be. (Metroid Prime 2: Echoes and F-Zero GX to name two.)

Even with these ones mentioned, there are still an entire slew of games guaranteed to make you cry. I didn't mention Rygar for NES because I haven't spent enough time with it. There is always Gradius and Castlevania Bloodlines for the Genesis. Don't forget about Contra: Hard Corps.

But hopefully this list will tell the youth of today that games aren't as hard as they use to be. Not by a long shot. If you disagree with me, I dare you play these games. I DARE YOU! You will most likely change your mind.

-Josh

Raenius Recommends III: A Professor and a Curious Boy

2008-04-25T11:48:00.000-04:00

This week's recommendation:
Professor Layton and the Curious Village for Nintendo DS

Published by: Nintendo
Developed by: Level-5
Released: February 11th, 2008
MSRP: $29.99
ESRB: Everyone
Download Play: No
WiFi Enabled: Downloadable Content

From the company that brought you Dragon Quest VIII, Rogue Galaxy, Dark Cloud and the forthcoming Dragon Quest IX we get a point and click puzzle adventure game -- huh? Wait a minute! This game was out a full year in Japan before it was localized, it already has a sequel and, with such an odd (and long) title, one could assume it would be a children's game of some sort. But it's far from it (unless your a kid prodigy)! This one will have you scratching your head and make you use brain cells you never knew you had!

The story begins with Professor Layton and his young assistant Luke (better call Chris Hansen). They are invited to the town of St. Mystere by Lady Dahlia, widow of the late Baron Reinhold, to solve the mystery of the Golden Apple. OK, still sounds like a kids game, right? Until you realize all the villagers love puzzles and will ask you to help solve them. I won't get into the story too much because of spoilers, but the dynamic duo will solve kidnappings and murder before the truth of the Golden Apple is revealed. With 135 puzzles to solve during the story, some are required for story progression while others are optional. The puzzles you don't get to will be waiting for you to solve later. Of course puzzles will get progressively harder as you go on but don't worry, hints are available (for a few coins, of course).

All controls are done using the sylus. Moving around the village is easy. Simply tap where you want to go. Make sure to tap objects or things that seem out of place for hidden puzzles or hint coins. You tap on people to talk to them as well. Puzzle answers are inputed on the touch screen in various ways such as writing out words or numbers, circling or tapping an answer or moving objects around. Text recognition isn't perfect, but it's better than Brain Age.

The cartoon graphical style of this game very European. The Frenchy sounding music, the Professor's English accent and Luke's squeaky going-through-puberty voice sounds excellent though headphones. FMV will seem like your watching Saturday morning cartoons rather than playing a video game. Your first-person still frame town scenes are fully detailed as are the exaggerated features of the residents. Puzzles range in quality but none look so bad that you wouldn't be able to solve it. This game really just proves that Nintendo isn't the only company that actually take time to develop games and prove the DS is capable of some pretty advanced graphics.

Without ruining too much, during your adventure you can collect parts of a helpful Gizmo as well as piece together a long lost painting. The game can be beaten over a weekend, but that's not all it has to offer. After the mystery is solved, the Professor will still have some challenges for you to prove yourself as a puzzle master. The puzzle index will allow you to solve any puzzles you've encountered from the story. Weekly puzzles (which strangely enough, are actually on the cart already) can be unlocked via Nintendo WFC for your weekly dose of puzzle frustration. And most mysterious of all, a top secret section can only be unlocked with a code from the manual of the sequel!

Let's see it broken down!

Presentation: Almost like an interactive murder mystery novel. Simple and easy to navigate menus. A story that's full of twists, turns and surprises. Some puzzles are very easy to exploit or you could look online for answers -- But don't!

Visuals: Beautiful, bright and colorful scenes and full of life characters done in a European art style is a nice change of pace from the world on anime on the DS.

Audio: Superb, but limited, voice acting even when not watching a FMV -- but it's just nice to see any voice acting in DS game!

Gameplay: Point and tap is very acurate. The meat and potatoes of the game is solving the puzzles which are very easy to input but not always easy to solve!

Multiplayer: None.

Wi-Fi Functionality: Unlockable weekly puzzles

Replay: Better replay than Brain Age because it's not so repetitive. Plenty to do after the game is over. You'll have to wait a while before you forget the answers to some of the puzzles over again. Weekly puzzles keep this title fresh until the sequel is localized.

Overall: A quirky little title that is a must have for people that love puzzles. It's a great start to, hopefully, a long running series for Nintendo's hand held system.

-mwb-

The State of Gaming (The Hardcore Gamer Part 2)

2008-04-25T00:59:00.000-04:00

Where were you on the Monday of February 12, 1990? On a Monday morning some of you were getting ready to go to school, some were getting ready for the 8am commute, and others were waiting for the game that would re-spark America love affair with video games. It is the game that people have grown up on, it is the game that seems to break all barriers. It is one of the best selling games of all time; Super Mario Brothers 3.

Super Mario Brothers 3(also know as SMB3 for short) is the game that helped the average person remember how fun games could really be. Games like Galaga, Asteroids, and Pac-Man built the path to enjoyable and accessible games, while games like Super Mario Brothers ensured that games could stand the test of time. Super Mario Bros. 3 is still considered one of the first pinnacles in 2D gaming. The game took the simplicity of the original Mario Brothers, and improved on it in every aspect. From uncanny level design, to outstanding graphics, to stop on the dime control; Super Mario Brothers 3 had a little bit of everything. Super Mario Bros. 3 was such an opened ended game for its time. It allowed players to choose how to play the game. Some players could beat the game within an hour, while others could take the long route and collect everything and have the game take hours to beat. SMB3 allowed skill players 8 different worlds to test their skills. The game allowed skilled gamers added difficult with challenging levels and tough enemies, while letting the average player have little secrets like the warp whistles to item bars and mini games to keep the causal gamer interested.
These are a few things that started to change the gaming world forever. Super Mario Brothers 3 set up a blueprint which many great games in the the future would try to successfully emulate. SMB3 bridged the gap of the Hardcore gamers and the Casual Gamer and brought both back into the gaming front.

Super Mario Brothers 3 brought people together in a way that arcades did in the 90's. It was once again alright for the skilled and the unskilled to enjoy the same game and take something different from it. SMB3 widened the gaming market just as Ms. Pac-Man and Pong did in the 70's and 80's. But what started to brew was something bigger than the skilled gamer and the casual; the new breed of gamer that has spawned from both, the hardcore gamer. This person is skilled enough not be mistaken for a causal gamer both their is something odd about them. The skilled gamer is the local legend.

He or she was the person other skilled gamers looked up to with respect, the hardcore gamer was the guy that talked more than he could fight. The hardcore gamer is all about the glory; they are the same type of people who care more about how many games they have than the ones the actually played. They are the people who play any game on Xbox 360 just for the Gamer Score. These people outside of the gaming world are known as the "One Uppers". They know less and talk more. What they don't know in knowledge they make up with more "stuff". Fast cars, beautiful women, big guns, and huge houses. Just as these people try to impress their coworkers and friends these hardcore gamers are trying to impress Gamers (the original skilled gamers) and the causal alike.

The hardcore gamers are the people who give gamers a bad reputation. Hardcore Gamer used to be an insult to all of us Gamers today, now it used to describe us. The Hardcore Gamer is born from competition and excess.

They try to be the best of the best without putting the effort, these hardcore gamers support poorly produced like Sprint Cars 2 and buy every Tony Hawk and Call of Duty but pass up games like Okami for no reason. The Hardcore gamer is no one friend and you shouldn't be categorized as one. The word Casual and Hardcore need to leave so games in the next five years can get better instead worse. In the end when developers, game designers, and most of all the people finally realize that we are all just gamers and games are made for all of us we as a whole well be headed in the right direction.

Continue?:A look into arcade gaming

2008-04-18T15:25:00.000-04:00

A local arcade is closing down around the way,and while it's not the earth shattering news to be expected,it's certainly noteworthy.Having grown up in the Nineties arcades were loud,bright,and noisy gaming centers.In that timeframe the 16-bit generation was underway,PC gaming was always around,and even though it was top of the line at the time,nothing compared to the arcade.

Nothing.

Being able to play Street Fighter on a stand-up cabinet,quarters lined up,with competitors waiting for someone to get Ko'd.Keeping your record in Daytona USA for everyone to see.Pushing that last quarter on Ninja Turtles until you had nothing left.These were experiences that couldn't be had on a Genesis or Super Nintendo.Sure most of these games had home versions,but it was like practice for the real game.Every arcade had what seemed for an unsurmountable opponent for the cabinet in it's prime.Even if you were that local legend you had to keep your wits sharp to keep that title.

The biggest draw had to be the graphics though,the sheer power of these machines to have these huge,colorful sprites.Just like any other game,reading what was coming out next was always fun,anticipating the next big game (or when Street Fighter 3 was actually going to come out.)The main catch being these weren't games you could just OWN unless you shelled out the cash for the board and cabinet.Playing these games was almost a privilege,no matter how many games of NBA Jam you played,it was never yours.You could put all the money you wanted into Virtua Cop but you couldn't bring it home.It gave each game you played that extra bit of meaning.Imagine going to a LAN center to play Counterstrike but the game Counterstrike itself cost thousands of dollars.It's extreme,but yeah,kind of like that.

Of course this isn't the 1st arcade to ever close in all of history.Since the advent of the 128-bit era it's harder to get that pull from arcade machines graphically when you can in most cases play the game at home on your Playstation 2 or Xbox.Who wants to pay a dollar to play this game when I can just buy the home version and in some cases have online play available? A sad truth,that when coupled with the ongoing march of technology,meant the end of mainstream arcade gaming

Dance Dance Revolution still brings in people and ticket games will always bring people in,but the atmosphere as a whole is like a shell of its former self.Arcade fighting games still have a decent pull as far as far as the genre goes with games like Street Fighter 4,Virtua Fighter 5,and Tekken 6 on the market.With every passing moment though they become more and more niche,more often than not,becoming DLC on a network as opposed to getting a home release proper....and I'm not going to start in on 2d fighters today.

As online gaming improves and the gaming market changes we may never see a resurgence of the arcade as we knew it,it came back before though,and it can come back again.

~Ag

Raenius Recommends II:Hey! Is That A Ninja Up There?

2008-04-16T22:50:00.000-04:00

This week's recommendation:
Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword for Nintendo DS

Published by: Temco
Developed by: Team Ninja
Released: March 25, 2008
MSRP: $39.99
ESRB: Teen
Download Play: No
WiFi Enabled: Leaderboards

It's sure been a long time since Nintendo fans got a chance to have an adventure as Ryu Hayabusa. We sure missed him. This is Nintendo's first Ninja Gaiden title since the original trilogy for NES (and the later compilation on SNES) as well as the first hand held version. Thankfully, Tecmo had Team Ninja (who made the console versions) develop this one too. The story is relevant to the series as it takes place six months after the infamously hard comeback XBOX game. As in typical video game fashion, Ryu must battle through 13 stages to save the female ninja Momiji who was kidnapped by the Black Spider Ninja Clan while collecting powerful Dark Dragonstones along the way. Let's see if Hayabusa-san still has what it takes.

The first thing you'll notice about this game is that you hold the DS sideways (like the Brain Age series or Hotel Dusk). The left side is used for a map and the right side displays the main gameplay. Don't worry all you southpaws out there, you can adjust the settings for left-handed controls. Almost all of the controls are done with the stylus for the exception of blocking. What's nice about this is that the controls are exactly what you think they are. Slash the screen to slash your sword. Make a vertical line up and make Ryu jump. Moving is done exactly in the same fashion as The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass as in you press and hold where you want to go. Advanced controls are explained pretty well on the map screen as you progress through the game. Movements are, of course, not perfect. The DS will interpret your taps and slashes wrong occasionaly, but it's not too much of a big deal in the heat of a chaotic battle.

The next thing you'll notice is how good this game looks. It's unfair to compare this to the console but, as far as pushing the DS to it's limits, Team Ninja sure did a good job. I only wish it had FMV cut scenes and better voice acting instead of still images and text. I'm not sure if it was due to DS cart size restraints or maybe it was the style they were going for. I probably would've gotten into the story more if it had them. What really draws your attention is Nicchae, the scantily clad female trying to stop you (and also helped this title get its Teen ESRB rating). Along with impressive graphics, it also has an amazing soundtrack. Definitely use headphones with this one! Some classic Ninja Gaiden sounds are a treat and will bring back some (bad) nostalgic memories.

Even with 13 chapters, the game isn't too long. Along the way you will uncover many different skills and Ninpo (ninja magic). But, it only took me under six hours to finish the game in Normal Mode. The reasoning behind this is very linear levels. There's not too much else to do other than the main quest. A few well placed side-quests would have been a nice touch. Another reason is easy bosses. There were only a couple bosses that really gave me a challenge. Most of them were pretty repetitive and didn't have too much in the AI department. Speaking of enemies, the game unfortunately reuses enemies from previous levels with different coloring. This is a old tactic that tons of games are guilty of and needs to be abolished!

Even with a few flaws, replay value is pretty high. I will definitely be taking Ryu and Momji out for a second or third time. There's harder modes as well as collectible prizes (unique to the level of difficulty you play) to be found including stories, artwork, character profiles and diaries. Leaderboards are a bit tacked on and pretty useless for this type of game. There's also a way to play the entire game as Momiji instead of Ryu. I won't tell you how, figure it out on your own!

Time to break it down!

Presentation: Clean and easy to navigate menus. Three save slots for multiple users. Good story structure that will hopefully be continued in it's next gen sequel.

Visuals: Near PlayStation quality graphics. Beautiful environments and effects but a lack of character models and no FMV cut scenes.

Audio: Voice acting limited to grunts, moans and groans distracting you from an amazing soundtrack going on in the background.

Gameplay: Pick up and play control scheme that sometimes will have a mind of it's own.

Multiplayer: None. Probably for the better.

Wi-Fi Functionality: You can tell the leaderboards were an afterthought, but it's nice to see 3rd parties adding Nintendo's WFC functions.

Replay: You'll come back for a second dose for sure. After that it depends how much of a completest you are.

Overall: Call it "Ninja Gaiden Lite" if you wish. This game looks great and takes all the fun elements of the console version to make a more casual and enjoyable experience on a hand held.

-mwb-

Nintendo Got Its Money's Worth!

2008-04-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

Mario Kart: Double Dash!! for GameCube was released November 17, 2003. This billboard at the Westgate Mall in Brockton is still up as of April 11th, 2008. Assuming it was put up prior to the actual release, that means this has been up for around five years! How can no one else put up an advertisement there in five years? I suppose it's because it is located in a very low traffic area of the mall, but still -- five years! Give it a few more years and they won't be able to take it down because it will be considered a historical landmark.

A World of 8-Bit Agony or... The Top 10 Hardest NES Games

2008-04-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

The year was 1988 and all I wanted for Christmas was a Nintendo Entertainment System. I must have been a good boy, because I got one! Looking back on the games, I think it's safe to say they were harder. Long gone are the days of limited continues and game overs. As a child I took my frustration out as only I knew how: throw the controller across the room. I don't think todays controller would be able to handle such punishment. So, in honor of the games that with put me in therapy when I'm 50, here is my personal list of the hardest NES games ever (without using cheats). With so many NES games made, I doubt two people's list would be the exact same. So don't worry if you don't see the bane of your childhood existence of my list.

#10 IronSword: Wizards & Warriors II -I don't remember too much from this game except for two things. 1) Fabio was on the cover and 2) All you do in this game is jump around and get lost. This game almost didn't make the list. But the level of frustration is what got it on here. The enemies aren't even that hard, but you have to try and find a bazillion keys or you can't go anywhere. If this game wasn't so boring I might have tried to figure out what to do.

#9 Shadowgate - Definitely original in terms of most games around at the time. This one was a PC-like first person puzzle game which actually translated well for the NES. It was kind of like Zak & Wiki. Do this, then that, but not before you do this with that. You die in the game... a lot! It was a pretty long game, too. It would most likely be easier now than when I was a kid, though.

#8 Caveman Games - Definitely an original idea. A very humorous game. Unfortunately the controls are awful and there's a huge learning curve. You're pretty much on your own to figure out how to do each event. Once you figure everything out, this makes a great two player game.

#7 Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! - It lulls you into a false sense of security. Once you figure out all your opponents patterns and realize how easy King Hippo really is... then... BAM! Out comes Mr. Sandman, Super Macho Man and Mike Tyson (or Mr. Dream depending on what version you have) and cleans your clock. The first two are a brutal challenge. Then Tyson comes out swinging for the first few minutes and you can't even hit him! I don't think I ever beat old Mikey. Now that's it on Virtual Console maybe I can redeem myself.

#6 Bart Simpson vs. The Space Mutants - This game would be so much easier if they had fixed the controls. Did they even play this before they released it? You can't even do a running jump because the run and jump button are the same! Along with doing mundane tasks and collecting items there's not much else to this game.

#5 Mega Man - Along with having the worst boxart ever and an awesome soundtrack, this was the first and hardest of the series. There's no password system so if you can't finish in one sitting you're screwed. Luckily it's not as long as the rest of the series, but it's still pretty frustrating. The charge shot was also a few games away. As hard as it was, it paved the way for many great Mega Man games and franchises for the future. We can only hope the blue bomber is in the next Smash Bros.

#4 Contra - I'm sure you saw this one coming. If you don't use the Konami Code, this one is close to impossible. One hit and you die. Tons upon tons of enemy troopers and turrets. There's plenty of power ups (just depends how long you can hold on to them) One of the first great side-scrolling shooters. Play with a friend on this one.

#3 Ninja Gaiden Series - All three of these titles are hard. In the first one you couldn't even wall climb. In addition to long levels and time limits, regenerating enemies are a royal pain the the arse. Just touching an enemy can send you flying. Thankfully there was some awesome music for this one.

#2 Battletoads - I have a love/hate relationship with this game. It's so fun to play until you reach the level where you have to dodge and weave blinking walls with your flying scooter. I can't tell you how many times I died on that level. Also, if you play co-op you can damage your teammate. On a positive note, this game has some of the best NES music during the game and even on the pause screen.

#1 Ghosts ‘N Goblins - The great granddaddy of frustration. Not much too say about this one. Do you know anyone that has beat this game? You can only get hit twice! One. Two. You're DEAD! No continues. No mercy. No chance!

Honorable Mentions: Blaster Master, Bionic Commando, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Castlevania Series, Metroid, Castlequest

Did I miss any? I'm sure I did. What games made you want to pull your hair out?

-mwb-

Raenius Recommends I: Hit Me With Your Perfect Shot

2008-04-08T09:53:00.000-04:00

Hopefully this will be the first installment in a weekly segment I’ll call Raenius Recommends. I will highlight a piece of hardware, software or service that successfully stands out and goes above and beyond. It seems every week we’re bombarded with tons of Shovelware and useless accessories. I will hopefully be able to sort through the wreckage and find the stuff worth spending those hard earned dollars on. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s gotta do it! These will be kind of "mini-reviews", I will be going over why it’s a must have, what I like about it and what I don’t like about it (nothing’s perfect). I’ll also try to keep things recent. I’m not going to talk about something that came out 15 years ago! So, without further ado…

This week’s recommendation:
Nyko Perfect Shot for Nintendo Wii

Ever since we knew how the Wii controller worked and saw the prototype “light gun” at E3 we were thinking two words: Duck Hunt. Instead, we got a “spin-off” shooter version of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess packaged with a deformed Tommy Gun inspired plastic shell. It serves its purpose, but it’s awkward and clunky and the trigger has bad response time. Then along comes Nyko who says: We can do it better.

And they did. How? The answer is quite simple. They made it look like a gun! I’m not sure what Nintendo was thinking. Probably on their never-ending crusade to shelter children from violence, they forget that’s what kids want. While playing titles like House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return, Ghost Squad and the sleeper hit Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles holding something that looks like a gun and feels like a gun really puts you in the game.

Installation is so much easier than the Wii Zapper. It’s literally plug and play. No snapping locks, sliding panels or wrapping cables. The only downside is I had to remove the battery compartment covers that came with my Nyko Wii Charge Station. Kind of silly not to make it compatible with your own product, but if that’s the worst thing I can find wrong than that’s not too bad. I have three Wii Remotes, so I can leave one permanently in the Perfect Shot. Conveniently, there’s also a port on the bottom of the grip for the nunchuck attachment if you need it. All the games compatible with the Zapper will work with the Perfect Shot.

Gameplay is flawless. The trigger responds perfectly and the other face buttons aren't covered up just incase you need them for a menu or something. It's made very well and yet it isn't heavy enough to make your arm tired. After a few minutes, you really get into it. Most shooter games even have a calibration so you can have the "where-you-point-is-where-you-shoot" or the "Duck Hunt Effect".

If you can’t find any of these gems on the sales floor there’s a good reason. For a rock bottom price of around $15, it’s obvious why it’s sold out everywhere. It’s even sold out on Nyko’s official site. If you can hold out, online stores like Amazon are claiming to be back in stock later this month. I found mine on eBay for a pretty decent price. I’m not usually one to pay more than something than I have to, but this is a must-have accessory for your Nintendo Wii that you will enjoy for years to come. So, whether you’re blasting zombies, crawling through trenches or saving hostages, make sure the Nyko Perfect Shot is your weapon of choice.

Time to break it down!

Performance: Easy installation. Not too heavy and not too light. Accurate response time for trigger. Hours of enjoyment!

Build Quality: So well made the only reason you'll buy another one is for Player 2

Value: Retail price is a steal but buying on eBay could be risky. Look out for fakes!

Overall: Better than the Nintendo Wii Zapper. Buy one if you can find it. You won't be dissapointed!

-mwb-

SE-GA! Where did you SE-GO!?

2008-04-03T17:19:00.000-04:00

Finally, Super Smash Bros. Brawl came out, and the hype has finally started to die down. The game is selling record numbers for Nintendo currently, and its no doubt that the title will become a must have for years to come. Much hype was pumped up into this game, anticipated for more than 3 years and delayed more than once. Amongst the buzz, rumors of certain characters swirled dominantly as names such as Mega Man and Sonic the Hedgehog were thrown around. When it finally was confirmed that Sonic was a secret character, the internet literally imploded. Super Smash Bros. Brawl easily became a must have classic. That's when it got me to think.

Since when can Sega's former rival Nintendo, get more hype and anticipation out of Sonic than Sega can?

Since I came up with that revelation, I pondered effortlessly everyday to come down to a conclusion. I simply couldn't. I've been trying to answer the question that Sega fans have had for years. What went wrong Sega!? Where have you gone?!

Before I continue on, I want to make this clear that growing I up I always had a spot for Nintendo. I've always been a Nintendo guy. Everybody on my block thought Sega was the coolest system to play, while me and my brother's friend were the only cats who were hooked on the Super Nintendo. Don't get me wrong, I loved Sega Genesis too, but I was always a Nintendo guy and still am till this day.

That being said, I think I can ask the question, what happened Sega!? What happened to the company that came up with the cooler alternative to Mario's hop and bop adventures? What happened to all of those gutsy commercials that claimed that Sega does what Nintendon't? (What happened to all of the cool commercials in general for that matter? That's a different blog for a different day.)

Coming from a Ninty guy, I remember that Sega was able to counter almost everything Nintendo threw at them, sometimes it would just take a little longer. The SNES had Squaresoft (at the time) and their marvelous RPGs they would so often crank out. Sega would pump out their own RPGs in the vein of Phantasy Star and would go on to make four of them.

They even countered Super Mario Kart with some FX Chip style game whose name escapes me at this moment.

For their Donkey Kong Country, Sega had Vectorman. Their version of Mortal Kombat had blood while Nintendo did not. Madden was always popular on the Genesis, and even some say the superior version of Street Fighter II.

So I guess the big (rhetorical) question here is what did Sega do to screw up their half of the video game market? I bet all of you younger gamers out there always assumed that Sega was always a typically mediocre third party developer. And its not your fault for assuming that. With the upcoming release of two new Sonic games that yield a nasty trend of being less than mediocre and the already sub-par Sega Superstar Tennis, its hard for one to think otherwise.

I think its widely known that Sega practically jumped the shark with their excess of ad on attachments for the Sega Genesis (known as the Mega Drive outside the United States). I mean, its quite outlandish to release the 32X within such close range of the Sega Saturn.

But the surprise release of the Sega Saturn during E3?! Really, Sega? Why release a system where NO ONE is prepared to purchase it and no developers have games available for it? That's pretty much the poison tipped nail in the coffin. Except replace the word "coffin" with "heart" and you'll see what I mean. Read on.

Okay, so the Saturn didn't get the success they hoped for. Its alright because Sega had their ace in the hole. They had a second a chance. The Sega Dreamcast was to arrive! The world's first commercial 128-Bit system was to hit shores. Sega would claim their spot as the King of Kings!

At least, that's what they thought, and every diehard fanatic. (Myself included.) For some bizarre reason, the Dreamcast failed to live up to its own hype. Not because of it being inferior. Not because it was a disappointment of colossal proportions. It was a darn good system and it was well ahead of its time. Maybe it was because of all the negative vibe it contracted from the Saturn that floated over. Or perhaps it was the imminent release of the PS2 that changed the mind of the gamer. We've already seen what happens when a system's reputation carries over to the next generation. And the PS1 proved to be a juggernaut. There was no calculating how much damage the PS2 would do to Sega.

The rest is history.

And I also think the theme of this post is quite obvious. Sega had an ego. A gigantic ego. You could see it in their commercials and even the way they did business. Its not a bad thing to flaunt a little pride. Going toe to toe with your greatest rival has got to make your head swell with pride at some point after all, and I think they deserve that acclaim. Little did they know it would cause them to make some of the biggest blunders in gaming history. Those blunders being the reasons I mentioned earlier.

So to answer my own question, where did Sega go? Half of the kind folks who worked for Sega now work elsewhere, and the other half has been merged with Sammy, another company. Sega is practically a shell of its former self. You see them trying to hype a game up, but many remain skeptic. Somewhere, deep in their heart they ask the same question even though they know the answer to it.

Sega? Where did you go? This isn't the same company I remember.

Sadly, they're 50% right.

2008 Best of April Fools Roundup!

2008-04-01T14:30:00.000-04:00

Sometimes they're obvious. Other times they're not. Every year we fall for them. Maybe it’s because we want to believe. Maybe it’s because we forget what day it is. This year is no different.

So, in no particular order, I present to you a handy dandy list of some of the best game and non-game related April Fools Day pranks! Enjoy!

On a side note, “Still Alive” from the game Portal for Rock Band is available for free! And that’s no joke!

Please Note: Some of these links are time sensitive. I have no control if they are taken down after April 1st!

» Downloadable Content for Super Smash Bros. Brawl, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and Mario Kart Wii (link)
Probability of Being Real: A new challenger approaches! You wish!

» The Legend of Zelda Movie Trailer (link)
Probability of Being Real: We got some Oscar material right here!

» Wii 2 Development Announcement (link)
Probability of Being Real: I’m sure this is real, but not as described in the article

» New XBOX 360 Accessories Coming this Spring (link)
Probability of Being Real: Definitely real! Bill Gates has no sense of humor!

» City of Heroes Announces Visual Sounds (link)
Probability of Being Real: POW! KABLAM! SMOOSH!

» Grand Theft Auto in Development for Nintendo DS (link)
Probability of Being Real: Can't wait for some Hot Coffee touch controls!

» Guitar Hero & World of Warcraft Collide (link)
Probability of Being Real: Sure, Why not! My level 38 Elf just blew a load!

» World of Warcraft: Molten Core Coming to Consoles (link)
Probability of Being Real: Not sure why this hasn’t happened yet, actually...

» Metal Gear Assassin: Altair's Solid Creed Chronicles (link)
Probability of Being Real: You didn’t think 15 years ago that Mario & Sonic would be in the same game, did you?

» Rock Band Announced for PlayStation Portable (link)
Probability of Being Real: All I can picture is tiny little instrument peripherals. Ha!

» Lego Halo (link)
Probability of Being Real: What next? Lego Condemned!

» EA Buys Take-Two, Presents GTA IV Trailer Five (link)
Probability of Being Real: Will Jackie Chan be a downloadable character?

» Wii Sports for iPhone (link)
Steve Jobs Says: NO!

» Realistic Glitches for Virtual Console Games (link)
Probability of Being Real: Can't wait to tell my girlfriend to blow my Wii!

» XBOX 360 with Built-In Blu-Ray Player (link)
Probability of Being Real: Just what we needed! Another XBOX SKU!

» Guitar Hero Stand Up Bass (link)
Probability of Being Real: Our children will live in a world with only plastic instruments

» Super Pii Pii Brothers (link)
Probability of Being Real: Can you say Shovelware!

Some Good Non-Game Related April Fools

» Google Presents: Gmail Custom Time (link)
Probability of Being Real: Dr. Emmett Brown could invent it!

» Sandals That Hold Your Drink (link)
Probability of Being Real: Good news for all you drunks!

» Google Offers Free Internet with “Dark Porcelain” Project (link)
Probability of Being Real: You could sit on the can and check your email!

» U.S. Mint Discontinues the Penny (link)
Probability of Being Real: A penny for your thoughts?

Well, some of those would be pretty cool if they were real. So try not to get fooled today!

-mwb-

The State of Gaming (The Hardcore Gamer)

2008-03-27T13:15:00.000-04:00

Hey guys it's Gene here, and today i am going to start my own little mini-series called, The State of Gaming. In this mini-series, I am going to focus on different sections of the gaming community which i believe need to be looked at, fixed, changed, or down right destroyed. Today I am going to answer the age old question "Who and what, is the Hardcore Gamer?" To get to the answer, we are going to have to go back to the roots of gaming, the arcades.

In the early 70's and mid 80's arcade gaming erupted. Everyone from young children to grown men had played games like Pac-Man and Pong. In the beginning these arcade machines were bringing people together. Kids would go to their favorite arcade and challenge others and a college student would take his girl out for a movie and afterwards, would get his arse beat in some Pong. Gaming went from some nerd coding hobby, to a social phenomenon. It was during this time the first seed of "hardcore gamer" was planted. Now like any seed it must have a name, and the name that gave birth to the "Hardcore Gamer" is called the "High Score".

The rise of the "Hardcore Gamer" began as competition. The "Hardcore Gamer" was the kid on the block that couldn't be beaten. He was the guy that had a score so high you thought it was impossible to obtain. Before the word "Hardcore Gamer" existed, these men and women were local legends. But the gaming world did not stay so social after all, gaming hit a brick wall hard. After Pac-Man fever ran its course it took gaming along with it. Gaming was considered a fad, and like all fads people distaste them once they are past their prime. Arcades started to close down all over the country games became rehashes of games that were already out, and the American public that embraced it so much had turned a deaf ear to the gaming cries. So what happened to the high score seed? Was the local legend just a "weed"?

Those local legends did not die, they continued to support their new hobby. Unfortunately for them, the world flipped its view of the gaming world and that changed the local legend to the local loser. People who still thought video games were cool became nerds yet again. Even when The Nintendo Entertainment System came out in the US and saved the gaming as we know it today, the gaming image was tarnished. As time progressed fewer people went to arcades, the NES was the answer to Pac-Man fever ten years earlier. The Super Mario Bros game broke open the gaming world yet again. People of all ages started to fall in love with video games again but this time it was more at a distance. Gaming was not cool anymore. Super Mario Brothers was a cool game but video games were for children, and nerds. Why was Nintendo, Sega, and Sony so influential? What was the role of video games in the early 90's? Where did the term hardcore gamer come from? All will be answered in the next State of Gaming.

Hello?Is anybody theeeere?

2008-03-13T19:14:00.000-04:00

If you are one of the 5 people that regularly visit this blog you'll notice that there hasn't been an entry for awhile now.There is one major reason for that.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Super Smash Bros:Breakin'

For the unfamiliar Super Smash Bros. Brawl(or SSBB) is the 3rd entry in the popular Super Smash Bros. Series.Picking up where Melee left off,Brawl takes the craziness to new heights introducing all kinds of new modes including a revamped Adventure mode and most notably Online Play.Since 2006 this game has been keeping us waiting,seeming to move at a glacial pace Until it got a release date....then it was delayed....THEN ANOTHER SOONER RELEASE DATE.....then delayed again.I can personally tell you though the wait was worth it.The amount of content and goodies is more than enough.

OH MY GAWWWWD

The biggest change is easily the Adventure mode dubbed The Subspace Emissary.This tells the story of Mario and company.They are enjoying a friendly match when the action is suddenly interrupted and the way of life of many of the Nintendo characters is threatened.This mode is probably the easiest way to get a majority of the hidden cast unlocked but the time to finish this is certainly a step up from the humble adventure mode of Melee,clocking in at 8+ plus hours.Considering that's not the meat of the game,that's REALLY good.

So then you ask,"What's the meat of the game?It's Smash Bros." The sheer amount of unlockable content.There are 41 stages in the game total,35 different characters to play,and all sorts of easter eggs and hidden assist trophies to get.On top of that there are 400 + stickers to collect 200+ trophies,unlockable music tracks,and with the return of events along with new co-op two player events, there is a ton to do.

Where'd he go?

On top of THAT there is a stage creation option.

Yes,you can make your own levels.

The options aren't exactly brimming but the option to have your very own stage to fight on is awesome.You can use any available music you have as the background with tracks ranging from Sonic the Hedgehog to ExciteTruck to Tetris. The stages you make can be shared with your friends as well as you can either bring them to a friends house on an SD card or send it online to your Wii and brawl friends.Along with stages you can get funny Snapshots(like the ones i took here from my play time)and replays of break the target/matches whatever through the online service.

Kid Icarus?!

Customizable Controls are here as well.Making this the 1st time you could change the controls.While it doesn't sound like a huge deal having your configuration and stats saved onto your Wii remote IS.So no waiting to set the controls up,get your remote,connect it and go!It's very convenient,and having the option there is nice if you are tired of playing on the Gamcube controller or abhor it in general.I personally play on the classic controller for the Wii and the game feels great.It gives you the option of using the classic controller,Wii remote and nunchuk,and Wii remote alone along with the original Gamecube controller if you see fit.All customizable,all able to be saved on a remote.

"I'm taking a break..."

Oh right,I know i was forgetting something.The Online modes.Online play is done through Nintendo WFC and when playing with friends it moves like they were right next to you.....If you can connect.The servers seem to be getting slammed as it's so popular so sometimes there may be connection issues but when you do (which is the case 80% of the time) it is bliss.You can go for the traditional Brawl or even do Multiman Melee or the Homerun contest with a friend.If you don't feel like playing with a friend you can play with complete strangers in the 'With anyone' section or even side bet on past fought online matches to get more coins to unlock more trophies and stickers.

"Which one is Mario again?"

Long story short,this game is a blast to play,and if you have a Wii available and enjoy Nintendo games...well you are probably already playing this.For some reason if you aren't playing this and you fit the criteria however,please do so.

You won't be disappointed.
~ag

New (But Not So Better) Windows

2008-03-04T19:16:00.000-05:00

Greetings and salutations! I figured I’d post this now because between Lost Odyssey and Smash Bros. coming out next week, I will be pretty much non-existent to the world. Now I know this is a gaming blog but I wanted to talk about something near and dear to my heart: Software Piracy.

You know, a little known fact about me is I’ve never pirated any software in my life. I swear! No, really! OK, OK, you caught me! I can’t keep a straight face anymore. Ever since I was a kid I can remember copying games and software. (Remember floppy disks? Boy, I feel old!) Usually, you’re trying to get something you want. But how often does something you got for free, not even worth it?

While deployed in Iraq last year I discovered piracy is abundant in military life. My buddy acquired a copy of Windows Vista and was determined to crack it. Once he figured it out and showed me how I had it running on my laptop. For a while, Vista was so cool. It looked new and fresh. But after a while I realized it doesn’t do anything new that’s too noticeable or that you can’t do with Windows XP. Unless you count “new” features as slowing down my system and requiring frequent reboots, not letting me use my internal speakers and not being compatible with many common hardware and software. Many of its other features can be replicated. You can install software to emulate the new Start Menu, moving desktops and Aero theme. So what’s new AND useful? Probably features that run in the background that you never see. Now I’m pretty shallow when it comes to software. If it does something, I want to see it.

So, I few days ago I wiped my system and reinstalled XP. I had to install over 100 updates (including Service Pack 2). Which, at first, was pretty frustrating but then I realized that’s a good thing. Windows Vista has been out for over a year and there hasn’t been any major updates. Microsoft hasn’t even announced when SP1 will be released. The way I figure it, I could have an operating system that is stable, compatible, familiar, and fairly universal with most of the bugs worked out. Or one with a few new bells and whistles but not too much better than the older one.

Now, I’ll admit my laptop is a few years old. I know Vista runs better on newer systems. But why should I need a better computer just to run an operating system? I used to be a PC gamer but keeping up with system requirements is ridiculous. Looking at the box for Crysis almost made me crap my pants. That’s why game consoles are they way to go. The only requirement is the console itself. But that’s a completely different rant.

So here I am typing this article on my Windows XP enhanced laptop. And yes, this is the legal version that came pre-installed with my system. What do you take me for, a crook? Only Microsoft Office is pirated now! Anyways, I haven’t missed anything that Vista had to offer. All the programs I use are fully compatible with XP. My laptop is running faster. And I just like using my computer better overall now.

Does this mean Windows has reached it peak? I wouldn’t call it perfection yet. But there’s not much more it can do to impress me that I can think of. Especially with the amount of customization utilities available, there’s no need to upgrade. If you got Vista pre-installed with your system, you can always downgrade. If you were thinking of upgrading, use the money for a new video game or two! There just *might* be a video game coming out next week worth buying!

-mwb-

SONY: two steps ahead, yet two steps behind

2008-03-02T15:27:00.001-05:00

Hey Fellas, its Snappy! I figured I'd put my two cents in about Sony America. First off, let me say this "What the (expletive delete) Phil, If you don't want the job, I'll take it!"

Anyways, lets get started. The PS3 is an outstanding system, with unbelievable hardware capabilities, but where is it all, and why does Japan get the goods as we weep waiting to get our share? Is Sony America just not doing their job? Or do they just not care? So many questions yet so little answers.

For such a big advancement from the PS2, Sony has showed little effort to attract new consumers. How do you go from having the best selling console last gen. to the least selling console this gen.? Your attracting the wrong crowd! What Sony didn't do is attract an overall crowd. They mainly marketed the console to older people with deeper pockets. I think that Sony is forgetting that the video game industry runs on children. How many people out there started gaming after the age of 16? Not many. Most people who game start when they are kids. Thus being, for most events such as birthdays and Christmas you'd possibly receive a game or two. Now that game or two is going to the pockets of rivals Nintendo and Microsoft, for making a family based console. Your gonna have to do a little more to build off the loyal based customers than that.

And why does Japan get everything months before us? I can understand a few weeks, but MONTHS!?! I just recently bought myself a nice Ceramic White Dual Shock 3 Sixaxis controller (could the name get any longer?) from Japan and boy its nice. Not only does it give you the rumble experience back, but its nice to have the standard weight back too. I've only tried it with a few games such as DMC4 and Uncharted, but it works great! I just want to know why did we get patches to utilize Duel Shock compatibility if we STILL haven't got the controllers in America? Why haven't we if were ready? And where is the "Home" update? Last I heard we were getting it in October, and I believe its MARCH! Not only does that follow hardware, but also software. Much anticipated game like Gran Turismo 5 have been out for months in Japan, but we still don't have a date! Do I see Sega all over again? I hope someone can answer these questions for me because I'm left dumbfounded, and this is most definitely leaving Sony two steps behind.

I hope you all didn't think I was gonna dog Sony the whole articles. Despite its setbacks, Sony in my opinion is the true Next-Gen console. With 7.1 Tru-Surround and 120(hz) 1080p. duel layered cell processor with motion censor controls, its very hard to argue the fact. Visuals are phenomenal and sound is amazing! Put aside that, hardware is impeccable. I can wirelessly access my PS3 from any wi-fi connection, turn it on, and play any PS1 game on my PSP! Not to mention any PS1 download from the marketplace can be transferred to a PRO-DUO Stick fro PSP play. Sit on that Microsoft!

Region-Free is for me. Sony has been more than grateful to allow the first region free based console without mods or boot disks. This is a GREAT advantage for gamers who import games. You don't have to worry about voiding warranties or buying two consoles! One console does it all. Also despite being region free, you can access region based servers from other countries. For example, I can access the Japanese marketplace on my American console in the U.S. region! Reasons like this are what is bringing Sony two steps ahead.

All put aside though, I think that if Sony stepped up to the plate and worked harder on a better online community and worked out hardware differences they could top Microsoft due to there ungodly hardware failure. But as far as racing with Nintendo, maybe next generation. Its hard to beat an all around console for $250 that has changed the way (Wii) play games. Till next time, this has been a Snappy comment.

Blowing Off Steam: Why Are Wii Just Friends?

2008-02-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

Hey Ya'll. I was invited to contribute to this little slice of the interweb. So I will do my best not to disappoint. After reading this, don't think of it as a bitch session. Think of this as an editorial.

Nintendo and I have a love/hate relationship. It seems many great things they do are often clouded by simple flaws. They give us Virtual Console but no hard drive. They give us great first party games but limited third party support.

What's been specifically on my mind lately that I'd live to talk about is Wii Friend Codes. As a concept, it works. But this is the age of Xbox Live. Nintendo WiFi Connection is like the younger annoying brother of the very dysfunctional console family who always bugs his older siblings by whining "Can I play too?!?"

The reason friend codes just do not work is that there is one for every game. On top of that, the system itself gets it's own code as well. OK Nintendo. You tell me I can live without having a "gamertag" or an online ID. But why can't I add someone's system code to a friends list and that's it? If he plays Mario Strikers, there he is. If he plays Battalion Wars, there he is. No muss. No fuss. Instead, Nintendo forces me to find out someone's friend code and type it in for each game. We live in a lazy world. I shouldn't need a rolodex with 12 digit numbers to play a game with someone!

It seems that Nintendo has been watching too much "To Catch a Predator" lately. It wasn't too bad until I heard about how online matches in Super Smash Bros. will work. Totally anonymous fighting? Haven't they heard of online rivals? Social gaming is huge and Nintendo is putting us all in the shadows. I can't even chat with someone I've added as a friend! They may call it "parental controls". But, it shouldn't be Nintendo's responsibility to control children’s actions online. I believe it's all on the parents. If you’re a responsible parent, you'll have a responsible kid.

It's all a matter of trust. They've been in this business a long time. I believe, in the end, they know what they're doing. Sometimes going against the grain works. But no matter what Nintendo does or what directions they go in, I will be right there behind them along with my fellow fanboys. Oh, Nintendo, we'd follow you off a cliff!

-mwb-

Think you i would forget such a thing?

2008-02-25T21:22:00.000-05:00

So I know i said I'd type a little review on Devil May Cry 4 for the Xbox 360.But I've been busy playing 360 .

........

Yeah,I know.

Now with that out of the way.Devil May Cry 4 (ps3,360) is the sequel to the 2004 Devil May Cry 3,and along with introducing a new playable character in the form of Nero,it takes the ideas and mechanics of DMC3 and makes it more CUHRAZY.The story is as follows,Nero lives peacefully in a community that worships Sparda(Dante's father).Things are going relatively well until Dante shows up blasts the head priest in the face and THE PARTY GETS A LITTLE CRAZY.Then demons attack and Nero's once peaceful life is under fire.

Nero has some interesting play mechanics that are new to the Devil May Cry series,most notably the Devil Bringer,Exceed meter,and Buster.The Devil Bringer gives you the ability to grab demons and drag them to your proximity(or launch yourself towards them for larger foes)making combo strings easier to maintain.The Exceed Meter gives a power boost for whenever it has a charge or stock on it,making basic attacks even stronger or giving special attacks new properties.Lastly,the Buster is a move that lets you grab and slam demons with impunity and in some cases gives you a powerful and cinematic attack for boss battles.

Dante's arsenal of moves hasn't really expanded much since DMC 3 but you get access to all the styles on the fly as opposed to switching at select points.This makes for a more open fighting style that can change depending on the situation.Got a large group of mobile enemies to deal with?Switch to Trickster to move quickly through the crowd then flip to Swordmaster to start your combo attack,shifting to Royal Guard whenever you are about to be attacked, and cleaning up with Gunslinger when you get some distance.The Devil Arms are especially insane this time around and have to be seen to be believed.

Even with Nero and the new skills at your disposal Devil May Cry 4 maintains the hardcore difficulty it has throughout the series and is a definite must have for your 360/ps3 library.

~ag

Wii-less

2008-02-11T14:45:00.001-05:00

Hey ladies, its Josh again. And you may have noticed that I'm going by Josh now because it has come to my attention that silly surnames and pseudonyms such as J-9 simply aren't cool. But enough chatter about that, I'm talking about something far more serious than that.

A couple weeks ago, my brother Eugene and I were enjoying a nice session of Dragonball Z Budokai Tenkaichi 3 for the Wii. All of sudden, we noticed that there were these multicolored splotches that sort of resembled pixels from the Golden Age of gaming appearing in the corner left and middle of the screen. At that point, we already knew what the problem was, and what needed to be done.

We needed to ship our Wii to Nintendo to cure this ailment.

Now for those of you who have no idea what I'm actually talking about, listen up! These splotches are called artifacts. They can be as small as specks or as large as a giant streak running down your TV. This is a scene from Zelda: Twilight Princess with this very issue. Not very appealing is it? (Un)fortunately This only happens on Wiis that are set to display in 480(p), so if you don't have an HDTV, then don't worry about it.

This issue apparently happens when the Wii Connect24 fries the GPU or CPU or something like that. Since its always on, you can see how the GP-whatever I just said gets fried.

And so to play visual masterpieces such as Zelda or Metroid Prime 3 and Super Mario Galaxy with this horrendous affliction makes me sick to my stomach that it can't look as good as it should because of a couple splotches. This is why I am currently Wii-less. Though it is coming back today (hopefully), the past two weeks have been nothing but anguish. I've stared at that Xbox 360 in my brother's room and in my own, and the sheer weght of the truth that I can't play anything I have been playing for the past EVERSINCETHEWIICAMEOUT makes me very sad inside.

So how can you avoid being Wii-less? For one, buy a fan! I can't emphasis this enough. You have no idea how much that would actually help. There's no cooling unit for the Wii-Connect24 while its on 24/7 so I would recommend you go out and pick one up today. And make it Nyko. That's the only 3rd party I would trust, and so should you. They're the ones responsible for the awesome Wii Charge decks and the Perfect Shot after all! (I'm not counting the infamous Xbox360 intercooler. You know, the one that caused your unit to perform Hari-Kari.)

Another tip is to simply turn Wii-Connect24 off. Yeah, I know its cool to receive messages late at night and have the Wii glow an ominous, yet soothing shade of blue but in the long run, its just not worth the hassle I'm going through for the SECOND time. So yeah, just turn it off. Unplug it if you're that cautious. You'll receive messages and updates when you boot the system online for the sake of sanity.

Oh well, I've seemed to run out of things to say. And I still have 40 minutes left until my train departs. Well, I'm off today to pick up where I left off in Metroid Prime 3. There's some Metroids that need freezin.

See ya around!

JUST.TAKE.A.LOOK.AT.THIS!

2008-02-06T21:33:00.000-05:00

So quickly in it's infancy the 1st major glitch in Super Smash Bros Brawl has been found.It's pretty selective needing Falco to perform it but apparently it can't be escaped.

To some this is great news,the 1st real exploit of the game's engine,and even though it seems pretty selective in use and timing it could be a sign of things to come.To others it's a warning,the rampant glitches in Melee made it so the intended feel and flow of the game was completely warped and sped up dramatically.

As it stands now without the use of glitches like L-canceling and the like use of certain characters like Ganondorf have to be completely rethought and emphasis has seemed to shift to defensive play and space control as opposed to Melee's offensive mindset.With the American release a month away it seems like the Japanese release will be battered and beaten until every possible exploit can be found in preparation of March 9th.

But i digress...this isn't a smash bros centric blog(Boo-urns to me as well i suppose)

On another note,Devil May Cry 4 released today and once I've bought a copy I'll come back and give you all the details I can on the game upon playing.That and Apollo Justice will be my main focus in the coming days as far as things to come.

~Ag

READY?! DELAYED!

2008-02-05T14:08:00.000-05:00

Well, ladies its nice to meet you all. I'm Josh, but I'll simply be going by J-9 going simply on the notion that I thought that was cool. Well anyway, like the blog says, we'll be discussing numerous different things video game related.

And right now, at this very instant, at this region, at this time of day, in this country (or not), I'd thought I'd let my thoughts out on the not so recently delayed Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Now, I'm sure there's a lot of you out there who simply couldn't wait and absolutely had to feed their eyes with every bit of spoiler out there. To you folks, I say BOO-URNS! Brawl is coming out in less than a month, and you've waited nearly 12 before than. You just had to go and spoil it for yourselves huh? Shame on you. For those of you who are waiting, I silently applaud thee.

But you're not off the hook people who can't wait, because I'd thought I'd share some techniques I've developed with my long lasting affair with the Big N.

When it comes to delayed ANYTHING, Nintendo is the reigning King of Kings. I'm sure Former President Yamauchi delayed his own birth due to the fact that "he needed to be polished and wasn't quite ready yet." So with all that anticipation, the question is how do you satisfy your hungry hungry-- eh. Hm. Eyes?

Simple. Do what I do. Pretend its never coming out.

Seriously, I've been doing this for so many years now its not even funny. From Majora's mask to Super Mario Sunshine and so forth. Pretend that the game is light years away, and suddenly before you know it, its March 9th!

SO how do you practice for that? Easy? Just anticipate Duke Nukem Forever. It will make it seem like you really are waiting Forever you know.

So in closing, I'd leave you with that nice nugget of strategy. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go to my Intro to Piano class and daydream about Brawl

J-9

but first i'll take care of YOU!!

2008-02-04T18:52:00.000-05:00

As this my is first blogging here i guess an introduction is in place. I'm just some kid at some game store (this game store isn't Game Stop or EB games) writing about my misadventures, thoughts, reviews and predictions for all gaming systems. As I stand behind the counter of my store I was thinking about what to blog about, I was going to do a Mass Effect review but due to the utter stupidity of one customer I am way to upset for a calm and unbiased review. So instead of Mass Effect, you get a mini rant.

So here I am,minding my own business trying to think of what to write,when a customer comes up and asks me a question. For the sake of argument lets just call this customer Bob. Well Bob comes up to me and says ,"I'm having problems hooking up my PS2 to the internet" then I asked Bob "What type of internet connection do you have? Do you have the original bulky ps2 or the slim ps2?" Bob answers " I have a DSL connection and the slim PS2. The PS2 keeps telling me to type in some internet number thing and its not working." Now at this point I am a little upset. Usually if you have a problem with a piece of hardware and you want help from someone you really should know what that "internet thing" is before you ask me to magically fix it. But I kept my cool and thought to myself "Hey at one point we all didn't know what we were doing so he's no different." I told him that on the back of his PS2 there are 2 ports one for dial up and the other one is for high speed internet. He looked at me like I was speaking Greek and said "ohhhh".

Now i knew i was dealing with an idiot. He's not a bad guy he's just as dumb as a stone. So I gave him the play by play I told him " You need to remove the sticker on the back of your PS2 slim which reads high speed port only and take your DSL line out of the dial-up jack.",Bob then replied,"Ohh wow thats it!".... ,I took a a deep breath and told him,"Yes that should fix your problem. Next time you put in NASCAR '08 do an auto configuration and you should be good to go." Bob said " Thank you." And started to look around the store. Now at this point I clearly remembered who i was dealing with. Bob is the jackass that would come into the store for hours and play the same damn NASCAR '04 game on the Xbox at the store.

At this game store you try games before you buy them and well some people just try, try, and forget to buy. Well he's one of those guys. So as I go to talk to Alex (a co-worker and other dude on the blog) and Bob comes up to me with yup you guessed it NASCAR '04 for the xbox. I regretfully put the game into the Xbox and watched him play the same damn race and the same damn game for the hundredth time. But what really was the icing on the cake for me was that he was playing a game that he already has at this own home in the store yet again.

~EI

Like it was killed by a crow or something....

2008-02-02T16:46:00.000-05:00

Been in a weird spot as far as what to play next,so i find myself playing old school games most of the time like Sonic The Hedgehog 2...on my 360. Even though Sonic Mega Collection released for every console last gen,it feels exceptionally odd playing on the 360.The 'Achievements' are pretty arbitrary as well,with the game rewarding you for getting one Chaos Emerald or being Super Sonic for one minute and the like.After playing this i went on a bit of an Assault Heroes binge.After the last entry where i hoped that people would play some of the older Arcade games I decided to do so myself.

Yeah and i know Rez HD is out as well.There will be time for that though,I still have a ton of stuff to finish/play.I've been wanting to get a good round of Gauntlet or even SoR2 as well,if people care to i can send Friend Requests for Live if they are down to play any classic stuff.

Oh and here's something cool that came into my job,The Gen-x Dualstation.It plays Sega Genesis and NES(no Master System?) games.It's definitely an odd combo,but the potential to have Contra then switch into Gunstar Heroes is too good to pass up.An off-brand system(obviously.) it has the 6 button pad form for the controller and looks like a Model 3 Genesis if only slightly.

Gonna fire up Actraiser and finish that up for now though.

~Ag

Virtous Mission

2008-01-31T20:37:00.001-05:00

Consider this the first entry of many.Been meaning to write some kind of blog for awhile now,so here it is.

Yup.....blogging.

...

That being said I've finished up No More Heroes recently,definitely a unique game to say the least.Playing through and finishing this inspired me to check out the rest of Suda 51's games that he had a part in and upon a closer look they are all pretty closely related.Even the B-movie quality "Michigan:Report From Hell" has some minor involvement thanks to all the ZaKa TV/group being thrown around.Although just throwing it out there without spoiling,that isn't who you think it is in the ending of NMH.No Golden Gun and he's bald...plus you know..he dies.Last Suda news I'm touching on for awhile,apparently he's working on a 360 game with Konami and Kojima,here's to hoping it's a new Snatcher.

As far as 360 is concerned,I've been playing my second run of Mass Effect.It's hard to take the game as seriously when you are a complete beast with biotic powers and such,tossing people across the room with impunity...good times.Doing early missions feels like such a chore.I wish people played some of the Live Arcade for longer than a month but what are you gonna do?

Lastly all this SSBB hype from the overseas release has me on edge,but i have to restrain myself.Got burned on being impatient and buying early(lol King of Fighters XI and Neo Geo Battle Coliseum) but I have my copy reserved so all i can do is wait.....

~Ag

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Blowing Off Steam: Why Are Wii Just Friends?

Think you i would forget such a thing?

Wii-less

JUST.TAKE.A.LOOK.AT.THIS!

READY?! DELAYED!

but first i'll take care of YOU!!

Like it was killed by a crow or something....

Virtous Mission